Gamed
by Michalice W
Summary: Kensi's got a lot bottled up - her unsuccessful evenings out just might the catalyst she needs to help her finally open up. Nate/Kensi fic, Post-finale, rated for some language. Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Just having fun
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This little piece is prompted by the season finale my husband and I just watched...last night. (I'm too busy for the tele anymore. Lame, right? DVR and Media Center are my friends.) My favorite ship on that show is Kensi/Nate, but I just haven't been seeing much between them lately. So, I'm back to force the issue, heehee. I have this inkling that something might spark between Sam and Kensi, but I'm not feelin' it so I will heartily ignore the observation. **

**This story takes place after the Season Finale, under the assumption that Callen's drama has settled down a little, at least to a dull roar. At least enough that everyone can get out and have a little fun for a little while. Warnings: There's some language to watch out for and maybe some shoddy psychology. I'm a product of the interpersonal relationship degree, so I have a broad view of human relationships. I'm giving Nate some of the theories and ideas I've studied to move my story along. They might not be perfect theories, but they help my story. If it bugs you remember: it's fiction – suspend your disbelief for a while. Also, I don't own these characters.**

).).).)

Kensi stomped into the building Monday morning, fire sparking from her eyes. Male techs and male agents scurried from her glance, wincing if she happened to catch them in her sights.

From down the hall, Sam watched her approach. "Hell hath no fury..." he whispered.

Callen followed his gaze and saw the junior agent coming toward them. "Crap," he muttered, hastily sliding back to his desk. "Don't stare at her!" he growled to his partner. "She's pissed! She'll rip our hearts out and eat them in front of us!"

"What did we do?" Sam asked.

"Nothing, probably," G answered. "Does it matter?"

Kensi stalked into the bull pen, anger rolling off of her in waves. Sam peeked up at her briefly but looked away before she caught him staring. "Probably not," he muttered to Callen.

"Something to say Sam?" Kensi snapped.

"Good morning Kensi?" he asked. He got a glare in return.

"Right," he murmured.

With no active cases and no one on an op, the team had some time to sit and be calm. It would have been nice but for Dragon Lady Kensi spewing venom and brimstone in their bullpen. By lunch, the entire building knew that the agent was on a man-eating rampage, and Sam and G had fled the bull-pen to hole up with Eric in his lair.

"I don't know who did what to her, but have some pity!" G complained to the group of men sitting around.

"Did anyone ask her what was wrong?" Nate asked from the doorway. Everyone turned to stare aghast at him.

Callen laughed. "Are you joking? She'll be mean."

"Wow, G, that was really manly. _She'll be mean_...get a grip." Sam teased. "Seriously though," he said to Nate, abruptly losing the mocking tone of his voice. "She'll kill us."

"Something's obviously upsetting her," Nate indicated. "And as her friends don't you think you should ask?"

"She'd come to us if she wanted to talk about it," Eric said. "Or she'll just beat up whoever pissed her off and be all better."

Nate sighed. "See, that's where you're wrong. You're thinking like men. And I know Kensi seems like one of the boys," Nate pointed out, "but she's not."

"We know that," Sam defended.

"Do you?" the psychologist asked. "Have any of you talked to her about what happened with Dom? Or Macy?" Everyone shook their heads, confused. "I know she refuses to talk to me about it because none of you will talk to me," he said with a soft reprimand. "And Hetty said she hasn't heard a peep from her since a few weeks before we found Dom."

"So?" Eric asked.

"So you're all thinking that she's been handling this like a man should. Stuffing her feelings down and ignoring her emotions...just like all of you."

"But maybe that's actually how she deals with things," G offered.

"Maybe," Nate conceded. "But I think you'd be surprised how stereotypical men and women can be. We generally fit into some pretty rigid molds when it comes to emotions and relationships."

"So what's your point?"

"Kensi might need to finally release all those pent-up, tamped-down feelings. And whatever happened to her this weekend might not actually have been that bad, but it's the catalyst that set her off. Lashing out at you guys might be the way she's actually begging someone to reach out to her."

Everyone looked uneasy. "Feelings – that's your department Nate," Sam pointed out.

"Yeah," G agreed. "I mean, we love Kensi – she's like a sister to us – but I just don't quite feel comfortable talking to her about...y'know..."

"Feelings?" Nate supplied him.

"Yeah, the f-word."

The psychologist rolled his eyes in disgust. "I can't believe you big babies."

).).).)


	2. Chapter 2

Though he had to practically drag them by their ears, Nate convinced Callen and Sam to come with him to talk to Kensi. They found her in the break room, staring sullenly at a cup of coffee and an apple, the room empty but for her and her mood.

Nate pushed the two burly agents ahead of him through the door. The junior agent looked up and glared, but Nate's tall and fairly sturdy form kept Sam and G from bolting.

"Hey Kensi," Nate greeted her.

"Hey," Kensi replied dourly. Everyone took seats around their colleague.

"What do you guys want?" the junior agent asked. At least she hadn't punched anyone yet.

When Sam and Callen didn't speak, Nate took up the conversation. "We want to ask you, as your friends, if you're all right. You seem upset about something today and we're worried about you."

Kensi glared at him, looking sideways at G and Sam for their reactions. "I _don't_ need to talk to you Nate. About anything."

"Well, that's fine," he allowed, "but if you did, I'm not here as your psychologist. I'm here as your friend." He sent pointed glares at the two agents next to him. G rolled his eyes but finally spoke up.

"And us too," he sighed. "Me and Sam want to know what's...upsetting you."

Kensi's expression went blank. "Really?" she asked.

"Really," Sam confirmed.

"Well, something is bothering me," Kensi hedged.

"Shoot," Nate said cheerfully. "We're here to listen."

With a sigh, Kensi became very interested in her coffee cup, but she did start talking.

"Sam, do you remember when I told you about that guy who 'played' me, or 'gamed' me, or whatever? The one who said I had 'unique style'?" Sam nodded and she continued. "And G, you used the used the same line on me when I asked you if you knew what 'playing the game' was."

Nate looked disapprovingly at Callen, who shrugged and replied, "Yeah, I remember."

"Well, I'll be honest and tell you I thought you were both full of shit at the time. Honestly I did. So this weekend I went out again and I had tons of guys coming up to me. I gave my phone numbers to all of them and we had drinks and we flirted. At the end of the night, I felt like crap. I felt exhausted and awful about myself. I went home and traced back everything that had happened, hoping I could figure out why I felt like I'd just been dumped. I realized that every single one of those guys had opened with a back-handed compliment, and all of them had me buying drinks and they were saying borderline mean things wrapped in flirting and attraction. Every single guy I talked to yesterday 'gamed' me, and I didn't catch on at all!"

G and Sam looked really uncomfortable, Nate could tell. Personally, he was pissed, but it wasn't his place to show that, so he kept it hidden.

"Kensi, you don't want any of those guys anyway," Sam tried to comfort the agent.

"I know that!" Kensi cried, "But 12 out of 12 guys that I talked to last night opened with either some comment about my unique style or my sweet spirit!"

Neither man knew what to say. Luckily, Eric poked his head through the door and informed G and Sam that Hetty needed to talk to them both. With unmasked relief, they excused themselves from the room, leaving Nate and Kensi in awkward silence.

"Is that all that's bugging you?" the psychologist asked after a moment.

"Yes," Kensi affirmed, but Nate could tell she'd closed herself off from him.

"Well," he drawled nonchalantly, "you happen to have a dilemma I can help you with. If you want."

A light came on in Kensi eyes, which she shuttered quickly. "I don't _need_ help," she said.

"I agree with that, Kens," Nate said. "You are a beautiful, charming, strong, perfectly capable woman. So if you want to just slug through the muck of stupid, arrogant jerks that use this parlor trick on women, then that's fine. I know you'll come out on top in the end."

Kensi stared for a moment at the psychologist. Her heart beat kinda funny while she listened to him. His words were flattering but it didn't feel like empty flattery, nothing at all like what she'd heard the night before. She searched his face for some angle he might be playing with out finding anything.

"But what?" she finally had to ask when she couldn't read him.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you want Nate?"

He was taken aback by her cynicism. "I don't want anything from you Kensi," he said, obviously puzzled. "Why do you think I do?"

Kensi felt like she might be walking into a head-shrinking trap, so she proceeded carefully. "Because that sounded like a line. Is that _your_ line? That I'm 'beautiful and charming and capable'?"

Nate chuckled and stood up, reaching over as did to rub his thumb across the back of the agent's hand. "It's not a line Ms. Blye," he said simply. "It's the truth."

With that, he walked from the room, not catching the stunned look on Kensi's face.

).).).)

Kensi sat in the break room for quite some time trying to sort out what had just happened. Finally, she shook herself free from her thoughts and decided to try and get something productive done. Smiling as she walked past a group of techs, Kensi realized that she felt a lot better.

).).).)

"Good job Nate, my man!" Sam said. "Your little plan worked! Ask her about her feelings and Kensi's a peach for the rest of the day!"

"That's why we keep you around," G quipped.

Though he didn't think the issue was actually resolved, Nate allowed for the fact that neither agent did the whole "emotional" thing very well.

"You're welcome guys," he said, veritably letting them off the hook for any more help he might need for Kensi. "Have a good night."

Yelling for Eric to meet them at Sam's car, the two agents left the building, intent on whatever plans they had that evening. Nate chuckled at their obtuseness, but knew that such compartmentalizing of unpleasantness was a hazard of the job they did so well.

With most everyone gone for the day, Nate quietly walked the halls, doing some compartmentalizing of his own. Turning a corner, he stopped abruptly and stood back where he could not be seen down the hallway. Standing in front of a window in a back hallway, Kensi was turning back and forth in a bizarre manner. After quietly watching her for moment, Nate realized she was looking at her reflection in the long window.

Kensi scrutinized her face, looking a little melancholy while she did it. Smoothing a finger over one eyebrow she frowned at some imperfection she saw there. Her exam moved down to her shoulders. She sighed as she adjusted her posture and ran a hand down her neck and past the dent at the middle of her collarbone. Next she put her hands at her waist and turned to examine her butt. Frowning she faced forward again, looking long and hard at her reflection. Sadness filled her features.

Nate wanted to run to her – go back over the self-test and give her all the right answers, especially since she seemed to be unable to ferret them out herself. But he knew she wouldn't like his interference. Just before he turned away, he heard her whisper to herself, staring intently at her likeness.

"Beautiful, charming, strong and capable. Beautiful charming, strong and capable." He watched as she repeated the compliment he'd paid her over and over, but he could tell, she couldn't quite make it stick in her mind. With concern, he walked away. Apparently, Kensi took this game much harder than she'd indicated.

).).).)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So I didn't have time to edit this perfectly (not that it ever is perfect, but I usually like to get it alittle more refined than this) but I'm so tired of trying to make this work. I can't make this story work. I know I'm only a few chapters in, but if someone sees a flaw in logic or story line, point it out please!**

**I don't own any of these characters. Never have, never will.**

).).).).)

A few weeks passed with out another peep from Kensi. The team was glad to have her seemingly back to normal, but Nate wasn't so sure. She never returned to speak with him about helping her, but, in reality, the psychologist didn't expect her to anytime soon. He knew she would need to make up her own mind about talking to him.

As time went on, Nate kept a careful eye on Kensi with out being too obvious. He filtered the ops she went on and prodded G to give her less emotionally taxing work. He didn't want to sabotage her, but he also sensed she was in an emotionally volatile place; and he didn't feel he could put her in overly-stressful situations with out risking her mental health. Sometimes, though, a naggling little voice in the back of his mind whispered he might be acting a little too over-protective. He conciously didn't give much credence to that voice.

One day, Hetty came to Nate's office.

"Mr. Getz, I've just come with a talk from Miss Blye and she's very unhappy," the petite unit director said in her characteristically straightforward manner. "She seems to think that I am stonewalling her – keeping her from the 'juicy cases' is how I think she phrased it. Am I stonewalling her, Mr. Getz?"

"I don't know Hetty, are you?"

Hetty glared at the psychologist. "Well, I certainly know I'm not, but as I think back through the last couple of weeks, _you _seem to have her on a very short psychological leash. I didn't say as much to Miss Blye, but is there something I should know about?"

Nate sighed heavily. He didn't want to have this conversation with his boss. He'd already laid out a plan for Kensi – a way to help her get beyond whatever was really bothering her – and he didn't want the interference of everybody at the office. If Kensi thought everyone was watching her get "fixed" she would bolt from it like lightening.

"I'm trying to help her, Hetty," Nate said. "She's obviously dealing with a lot of suppressed emotions. And I'm worried that if she doesn't deal with them she's going to do herself harm."

"Do you think she's suicidal Nathaniel?"

"No, not at all Hetty," the psychologist assured his boss. "But an operative must be able to deal with high stress situations – and with everything Kensi's dealing with, I'm just not sure she will be able to be at the top of her game if thrown into a tense situation."

"So we are stonewalling her," Hetty pointed out.

"No – well, I guess. Just until my plan goes into play."

"Plan, Mr. Getz?" Hetty hedged. "I'm not sure I want to hear about you having a plan. Why do you need a plan?"

"Because Kensi won't talk to me," he pointed out the obvious. "And if she doesn't talk to me I can't help her deal with the issues facing her."

"So I'll order her to talk to – plan thwarted."

"That will never work Hetty and you know it. If Kensi feels pushed she'll only drag her feet. Or stonewall _me_."

"Yes but a plan Nathaniel? What are you – a bank robber?"

Nate snorted at her comparison. "Hardly. And it's not really a plan. Just a goal I have to help her. That's all – you don't have worry. There won't be any blue prints to draw up or seedy characters to hire. And I won't even do anything until she comes to me first, okay?"

"Do you think it's possible you might be blowing this all out of proportion? Miss Blye is a resilient woman, she'll turn out all right you know."

"I agree Hetty, she'll be fine. And I'm not blowing anything out of proportion. I'm trying to help our emotionally stunted agent come to a state of good mental and emotional health without outwardly showing that I'm working with her." Hetty looked confused, so he tried to explain. "Think of it like this: if she gets cases that are too demanding, she won't have time to think about what's going wrong inside her and she won't think twice about dealing with it. So, I've made sure her caseload is light and that she has plenty of time to dwell on past events and present anxieties."

"Ah, I can see what you're doing now. Enough said."

"And, you _can_ understand why I'm not outwardly prescribing her treatments here, right? I mean...it's _Kensi _we're talking about._."_

"You're right, you're right, Mr. Getz. I suppose some simple help from you isn't asking too much or demanding it, either. I will keep my nose out of it and keep Miss Blye on the same track she's on until I hear differently from you. If she starts feeling undercut again, I'll just tell her it's a slow period for crime or something." The boss sighed and walked from Nate's office.

"Thanks Hetty, you're the best," the psychologist called to the petite retreating form.

).).).).)

Kensi wandered around the office, unsure of what to do with her restlessness. Her work load wasn't challenging and she had far too much time to think. Nate's offer from a couple of weeks ago to help her rattled around in her head. She'd heard Eric invite the guys out to one of the team's favorite bars for that weekend. Everyone readily agreed and knowing that the boys could all go out and have fun made her unsettled. Unsettled her almost enough to walk right down and talk to Nate.

But only almost.

_Ugh,_ Kensi stormed in her mind,_ it's not fair. Why do the guys get to go out and have fun? _ She used to like going out. Lately though, it felt like she constantly battled everyone she came in contact with - men and women – in her social life. It wasn't pleasant.

Before the end of the day, Eric had added a couple more agents to his plans. When the tech caught Kensi listening to their plans for their night out, he tentatively offered an invite.

"Oh, thanks Eric, but I can't," Kensi said, smarting at the pity invitation. "I'm already going out with some friends."

Eric looked relieved, but sincerely wished her a fun evening.

It was a lie, though. Kensi wasn't going out with friends and the falsehood depressed her. She no longer even had friends to go out with – let alone just to talk to. Dwelling on the thought made the junior agent start to feel breathless, so she took some deep breaths and threw herself into the report she was writing.

When the boys all left for the night, the Kensi decided to head out on her own – back to Agent Macy's old haunt. She'd prove she was doing all right on her own – she didn't need any help from friends or from Nate or even her teammates. Once she got there, she tried to have fun, but she couldn't seem to shake whatever was constricting her heart. Also, she couldn't really have a good time when she scrutinized every man who approached her – wondering but unable to tell if he was running game on her.

Frustrated, she left the bar earlier than she'd planned and went home to sulk in a hot bath tub.

).).).).)

"How was your night Kensi?" G asked jovially the next morning as he strolled into the bull pen.

She glowered at him darkly and didn't answer his question.

"That bad huh?"

Now the agent turned on him. "Go away G!" she commanded. "I am attempting to get something done today!"

Rolling his eyes, Callen spun away from Kensi and headed to Nate's office.

"May day," he said, sliding through the door.

"What's wrong?" Nate asked, alarmed.

"Kensi's in a mood," G said with a touch of over-dramatics. "Go work your magic please so I can go back to my desk."

Nate rolled his eyes. "Remember last time?" he asked with exasperation. "Did you ask her what was wrong?"

"I asked her how her night was," Callen offered.

"And?"

"And she took my head off."

Nate's brain kicked into over-drive. Kensi was upset about something that happened last night – he could easily guess it was something similar to her problem last time. Here was his chance to try again – reach out and see if Kensi would accept his help.

"All right," he said, quickly putting away the papers he was working on. "I'll deal with Kensi."

"Thank you!" G called from halfway down the hallway.

Nate followed soon after. Anxious to get started on his plan – no "goal".

"Hey Kensi," Nate greeted the junior agent when he affected a bored, casual walk into the bull pen. She looked up with an irritated retort on her lips, but when she saw who spoke to her, her annoyance noticeably lessened.

_Score one for me_, Nate thought, steeling himself against the task to be done and taking a chair near her desk.

"Hey Nate," Kensi answered glumly.

"G said you were upset, what's going on?"

Kensi rolled her eyes. "He's like a two-year-old!" she spat. "Tattling on me and then sending you to dig in and find out what's wrong."

"Come on Kensi, you know that's not true," Nate protested gently. "He's worried about you and so am I. I hate seeing you not your usual happy self."

"I haven't been my usual, happy self for a while Nate, in case you haven't noticed," Kensi shot back quickly. She seemed to realize what she'd admitted and visibly drooped.

"I know," Nate whispered. "And that offer I made is still on the table. If you want my help – let me know." He stood up and started to walk away, slowly, giving her ample time to call him back. He'd seen in her face that she wanted to talk more, but he knew she wasn't sure he wasn't trapping her in some psychological mine field that would lead to her spilling all her secrets to him. He willed her to stop him before she lost her nerve.

"Nate?"

"What did you want to help me with exactly?"

The question was a test, Nate knew it. Kensi wanted to know if he knew – or would admit he knew – that she'd acknowledged her emotional and mental struggles. But Nate's plan to help Kensi didn't require her to overcome all her obstacles in one fell swoop. He could help her deal with the surface issues first. He would help her deal with anything if it meant seeing a smile on her face again.

"Help you figure out when a guy's running game on you, right?" he asked. "Isn't that what's getting you down?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's it," Kensi quickly confirmed too quickly. But Nate wasn't interested in any other problem the agent had at that moment. He would build her back up one brick at a time – her social life would be her first brick.

"What did you have in mind?" Kensi asked.

"Oh, it's good. You just have to wait and see."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I've hit a wall with this one. I have several snippets already written, but I just can't make it work all together. I think, for me, the problem is that Nate/Kensi doesn't work ethically. I mean, he's her psychologist for heaven's sakes. Surely it would be a terrible idea for them to get together...doesn't that violate all sorts of rules? I mean, couldn't Nate lose his job if some governing board found out?**

Maybe I'm over-reacting. Anyway, for the rest of this story, I'm proceeding under the assumption that it would be perfectly acceptable for Nate and Kensi to get together – psychologist/patient issues aside.

Nate's plan for helping Kensi involved doing what the team did best. Running an op. He convinced G and Sam to help him help Kensi. He made it sound fun – like a social experiment – and who can resist granting knowledge to the ignorant. Kensi was eager to learn, if a little suspicious.

He'd planned the operation quickly – not wanting to lose momentum – but with everyone in place and the equipment set up, Nate felt confident things would go well.

Sam sat across the bar from Kensi, pretending to be drinking himself into oblivion. Kensi, dressed to kill, perched coolly on a bar stool, sipping a virgin mojito. She'd wanted something harder, but Nate insisted she shouldn't be drinking if she was going to learn anything on this exercise. Nate and G sat in a van outside the bar, watching all the proceedings via Sam and Kensi's lapel cam's.

Sam announced a man checking out the junior agent.

"All right grasshopper," Nate said cheerfully, "we're gonna teach you to thwart the game."

"Be your own cock-blocker without using the bitch-defense," G added.

"Wow, there's lingo to this thing?" Kensi muttered into her glass. "This whole game is really screwed up."

Sam just chuckled and ordered another drink.

The target finally approached Kensi.

"Okay Kensi," Nate encouraged. "If he dishes it out with a back-handed compliment, you just give it right back, okay?"

Kensi nodded almost imperceptibly and returned the stranger's greeting with a smile.

"Hey," the target said nonchalantly leaning against the bar next to her. "I couldn't help but notice, you have really beautiful hands – are those fake nails?"

Kensi concentrated for a moment, her mind visibly working. "No, they're real," the junior agent replied hesitantly, almost as a question.

G, Nate and Sam all groaned in her ear and the op went downhill from there. Guy after guy approached Kensi – they couldn't stop themselves, she looked unbelievable – but she just couldn't ever see when she was being 'gamed'. G and Sam got frustrated after douche-bag #6, but Nate urged patience for their friend's sake.

He did agree, though not out loud, that it was hard to see Kensi unable to see when these jerks were verbally slapping her down, and even more painful to see her unable to think of something to say back to them if someone tipped her off. Perhaps, having her colleagues in her ear was making her nervous and doubt her own skills. Just as he was about to ask her if she wanted to stop, another guy approached her and Callen practically shouted at Kensi in the microphone.

"Okay, Kens, this is it," he said – all business. "I'm going to just tell you what to say and we'll shut this guy down, okay?"

"How do you know he's going to game me?" she whispered.

"Trust me, I just do."

The man approached Kensi and asked if he could take the seat next to her. She nodded. The guy introduced himself and immediately started in on some back- handed compliment of her hair. Kensi started to fall into his trap – anxiously trying to prove something to the stupid man – when Callen barked a retort in her ear. Kensi jumped at the startling noise, but repeated what he'd said.

"Oh, thanks," she delivered her line with all the natural grace of the operator that she was. "And can I return the compliment – you must have spent a lot of money and time on your hair. Cheap hair plugs are hard to make look good – but yours? Whew!"

For only one moment the man looked shocked before he got angry.

"You stupid bitch – that was really rude, what in the hell did I do to you?"

Kensi was surprised by his reaction and started to apologize.

"Don't you apologize!" G hissed at her. "Tell him you meant the compliment in all sincerity and you're sorry if it put his drama panties in a twist."

With less confidence, Kensi repeated the line G gave her and everyone watched as the man's face went all motley red.

"Who the hell do you think you are, you stupid whore!"

He looked like he might get violent, but before Kensi could stand to defend herself, Sam was around the bar and bodily removing the guy from the premise.

"You don't talk to a lady like that," he said while dragging the player away from Kensi.

"Oh, great," G said. "I'm going to go stop Sam from harming this guy. Geez, Kens, way to go." He meant it jokingly, but Nate heard Kensi give a dejected sigh.

"Nate, I don't want to do this anymore," she said quietly.

"Kensi, I'm so sorry," the psychologist apologized. "We probably shouldn't have brought you to do this."

"No, no, don't apologize," Kensi assured him wearily. "I did learn something after all."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Men are dogs."

She unhooked her ear piece, took off the camera and asked the bartender for a beer, which he promptly handed to her, offering it on the house with a sympathetic smile. Sliding away from the bar, she dodged through the crowded dance floor headed for an empty table in the corner.

Nate shut down the surveillance systems and unplugged his own ear piece before he went looking for Kensi. After seeking her out at the bar, and getting a nodded indication from the tender, Nate slowly walked to where she sat – a defeated look on her face – nursing her beer. He reaffirmed that she _did_ looked incredible tonight – her hair loosely curled and coifed, her dress form fitting and yet soft, her makeup dramatic without being too dark. Hetty had pulled out all the stops for the junior agent when she heard what the team was up to, and Nate fleetingly thought it was a pity that these idiots at this bar were letting it go to waste.

Realization struck him hard. _Am I one of those idiots?_ he questioned himself. He stood gazing at her for a moment more before making a decision.

).).).).)

She sat quietly at the table, throwing any advances off with her steely glare. She knew she probably shouldn't be drinking, not with her mood turning this dark, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

It had been more than two weeks since she felt this black – not since her conversation with Nate – and the looming depression almost scared her.

_They're just morons Kensi_, she reminded herself. _Not worth being upset over._

But the pep talk didn't help, because Kensi knew that swirling behind her upset over her dating encounters was a darkness that stemmed from something much bigger than bad social luck. It was something so heavy and sad she kept it away by dealing with other, more trivial things first. The meloncholy settled like a weight on her shoulders.

"Do you mind if I join you?" a familiar voice asked from behind her. Kensi turned to see Nate holding two beers and an apologetic smile.

Kensi indicated he should sit with a soft gesture.

"How much do you hate us right now?" Nate asked sliding a full beer toward his friend. Kensi just shrugged. "Okay, how much do you just hate me, then?"

"Oh Nate, I don't hate you," Kensi sighed. "I just shouldn't have agreed to do this. You were right: I usually do just fine slugging through the mess of jerks...I'm just off my own game lately. Having the men I work with in my head didn't help either."

Nate chuckled. "I realized right before Mr. Charming turned mouthy that having a bunch of men tell you how to reply to a bunch of other men could end up leading to some kind of alpha male dog fight. Which it apparently did. Though, I honestly was trying to be helpful. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Kensi assured him. She peeled the label off the beer Nate had brought her before he saw her conciously try to change her mood. "I suppose everyone goes through stretches where they're off their game, I shouldn't expect to be any different. I'll be all right eventually."

Nate wanted to call her out, let her know he knew she wasn't just upset about her dating luck...but he wasn't sure she was ready for that kind of honesty and pressure, so he kept up with the pretense that she was just down about her social life and he didn't need to worry.

He had a feeling that Kensi was like a closed up tea kettle: she boiled inside, her emotions and stresses and tensions rolling around, beating her black and blue. If he pushed her too hard, she would crack. If he didn't push at all, she would explode into a million, unfixable pieces. With either outcome, Nate was afraid she wouldn't be the Kensi the team knew and loved anymore. No, he had to approach this just right. He had to get her to finally release all that she held inside her – release the pent up pressure before he would have to advise she took a vacation of psychological proportions.

But getting Kensi to open up to him was like pulling teeth – he rarely got anything from her even when Hetty ordered her to talk to him. He would need to lead her to the brink and then somehow get her to jump over the edge; it would probably be the hardest thing he'd done in a long time. Looking at Kensi's cloudy face, though, he knew it would be worth it to see her smile again.

"What are you going to do for the rest of the night?" Nate asked nonchalantly.

Kensi shrugged. "I'll probably go home and watch a movie or something."

"What?" Nate scoffed. "But you're all dressed up!"

He got a suspicious look at his assertion. "So?"

"So, I think you should go dancing with me tonight instead," Nate said simply.

"What?"

"I think we should go dancing."

Kensi was stunned, Nate could tell. Her mouth moved wordlessly for a moment.

"I...I don't know Nate," she finally stuttered.

"Oh come," he prodded. "It'll be fun."

"Thanks, but – "

"And I won't take no for an answer," Nate declared. He stood up quickly and grabbed Kensi by the hand. They walked out of the bar, the junior agent protesting the whole way.

"But I don't really dance," she said.

"No worries, I'll be a good teacher. And there's a swing place right around the corner that teaches lessons for the next hour or so."

"Well, I don't have the shoes for it," she tried.

Nate stopped and checked out her feet. "Those are great, they make your legs look very sexy," he assured her.

Kensi blushed, but pushed past his compliment. "But if I ruin them Hetty'll kill me."

"If anything happens to any of your clothes, I'll tell Hetty it was my fault, and she can yell at me," he countered. "But nothing will happen because I promise to be an incredible dance partner and never step on your toes."

"But – "

"Kensi!" Nate exclaimed in exasperation. "I'm attempting to make up for my ill-advised operation this evening. Let me take you dancing, let me make sure everyone sees how gorgeous you look, let me feel the jealous stares of other men when they see you with me and then I'll take you home, okay?"

Stunned by his honesty, Kensi nodded mutely and let Nate lead her to the vehicle, her arm tucked through his.

When they got to the surrveillance van, Kensi chuckled. "I forgot this is what we came in," she quipped.

"At least it's one of a kind. No one else will roll up to the club in an op van," Nate retorted.

"Oh, you do know how to make a girl swoon," the agent laughed. "Wait a minute, where are Sam and G?"

"After turning Mr. Foul-mouth loose, Sam went back to the office, he goes undercover on Monday and needed to finish some research. G headed out for a run on the beach, I think."

"Wow, we are an exciting group of people."

"About to get more so," Nate cheerfully promised as he helped Kensi into the van.


	5. Chapter 5

"Step, back step, step, kick, kick, aaand hop, step," Nate chanted in line with the beat of the music. "Hey that was exactly right! You got it!"

Kensi laughed and gave the psychologist a high five. "This is fun Nate," she panted as they switched to simple step he'd taught her in the beginning of evening. "You're a really good dancer."

"Well, I've got to have something going for me...considering I'm no good with a gun," he said, a suspicious martyr-like tone to his voice.

"Trust me, Nate," Kensi assured him, "the dancing is way more sexy."

"Oh, sexy huh?" he teased. "I don't know about that. I've seen you pull a gun on a criminal before. It was pretty bad ass!"

"Really?" Kensi asked with a giggle, taking his teasing in stride. "I didn't realize you were watching that close."

"Puh-lease," Nate huffed. "Of course I noticed – it's totally hot."

The music changed to something a little faster and the other couples started in on new steps. Kensi smiled up at her friend. "Do you wanna?"

Nate smiled back and swept the agent up into his arms and they stopped talking to dance. After two more fast-paced, energetic songs, Kensi begged to sit some out. Nate ribbed her good-naturedly for a moment about being out of shape but gallantly lead her to some chairs at the side of the dance floor. They sat watching the other dancers for a while, talking about idle nothings and content in their companionship.

Eventually, Nate started to think about getting Kensi home. He was getting tired and being a tired always made his judgment cloudy. If he were to sit here with her much longer, he might start thinking about the long legs, bare and crossed, next to him. Or he might start to wonder what her hair felt like in his fingers. Or his eyes would wander to linger at her lips – stained pink by Hetty's make up experts.

No, Nate couldn't have himself thinking things like that.

"Hey, Nate, I know this song!" Kensi exclaimed, bringing the psychologist back to her. "I haven't known any of these songs, but I've heard this one; it's pretty."

Nate listened to the music playing. It was a slow, meloncholy song – a popular one at swing dancing clubs. He looked at her relaxed smile and – ignoring any nagging doubts – asked Kensi to dance.

"Do you want to dance one more before I make good on my promise to take you home?"

"Are there steps to learn to this one?" she asked.

"Nope, just a typical slow dance." Nate stood and offered his hand to her.

"That I can do," Kensi said brightly, taking Nate's hand. He led her to the dance floor and, keeping her hand in his, swept her to him with a smile before placing his other hand against her waist.

For a few minutes they danced like any two people might, comfortably moving in-sync. But suddenly, tucked close to Nate as he gently swayed her back and forth, spinning slowly, Kensi felt something change in the air – or maybe it was a change in her. She became hyper-aware of her hand in Nate's, of the feeling of his fingers pressed into her back. She felt a delicious weakness everytime he guided her through a turn – as he would pull her a little closer to execute the move she could feel his firm chest against her own softness.

Bombarded by her heightened sensibilities, Kensi started to feel overwhelmed. Perhaps it was the music, perhaps it was exhaustion – perhaps it was the man who held her so gently – she wasn't sure. Longing filled her soul – longing for peace and for comfort and relief. Relief especially from the darker things in her she had yet to name.

A tear slipped down her cheek unbidden. _Traitor!_ Kensi accused it. She dared not wipe it away for fear that Nate would see, so it slid unhindered down her cheek, over her jaw and to her neck.

_Get a grip Kensi,_ she ordered herself, but she'd let a chink appear in the walls she had carefully constructed and the darkness had found it. If she didn't get away from here, it would burst out and smother the life out of her.

Jerking back from her dance partner, Kensi moved back from Nate without looking at him..

"I'm ready to go home now," she said as she stalked out of the club. She didn't even look back to see if Nate followed her. She knew he would – just like she knew love and fear existed or that Hetty had omnipresent powers.

Nate didn't run to catch up with the fleeing agent. He knew she was teetering on the brink, and he didn't want to push her lest she crack under the pressure. He watched her stalk to the vehicle, her heels clicking sharply on the pavement.

Once she reached the van, she stopped and patiently waited for him to reach her. He opened her door and helped her inside before getting in on the driver's side and starting the van.

Silently he drove her to her apartment and walked her up to her door. He watched as she unlocked and opened the door, anxiously trying to figure out what to say to her. She paused, her hand still on the doorknob, and turned to him.

She didn't say anything when her eyes finally met his, but unfortunately she didn't have to. Deep pain etched across her face – stress and anxiety warred with sadness and anger for a dominant place. It caused him physical hurt to see her like that – his friend, his colleague and his...whatever else she was too him.

He reached out a hand and placed it gently on her cheek. "Kensi, please," he whispered. "Tell me what's wrong."

For a moment, she looked like she might break down and give up her burden. But she didn't. Nate saw silent tears escaped her eyes before she reached up to kiss his cheek.

"Good night Nate," she whispered as she shut him out of her apartment.

).).).).)

Sliding gratefully into her tub – full of hot water and some bubbles – Kensi worked to tightly cap her tumult of emotions. The water turned her skin red, she hissed at the sting of the heat, but she welcomed its distraction.

After a moment, she became accustomed to the temperature and Kensi focused her energies until her soul calmed. Once her tenuous grip on control returned, her mind began to wander, circling randomly, and she reflected on the events and people of the past few days. Things had been so heavy, she'd felt like she couldn't remember how to have a happy day. Not until Nate came to her table with a friendly beer and asked her to dance. For the few hours they were together, Kensi had felt light again, relatively carefree. Well, she'd felt free until she'd felt...something else. What was that she'd felt wrapped tightly in his arms? Kensi's mind stilled for a moment. She wasn't sure she wanted to identify it. What would it mean if she named it and it was...attraction? Or desire?

Her fluttering heartbeat betrayed her – damn her physiological responses – and Kensi stopped denying the attraction she felt for the psychologist. Sinking down into the water, the agent couldn't help the smile that lifted the corner of her lips.

).).).).)

Nate slipped between his cool sheets, his mind a muddle of thoughts and conflict. _What was that at the club, _he asked the ceiling. One minute, he and Kensi were dancing and laughing and having fun, and the next minute, every sense tingled with awareness of her long, lean curves pressed against him.

Shaking his head, Nate reprimanded himself. He shouldn't be thinking about Kensi like that. He should just be helping her feel better, get past the issues facing her.

Forcing the agent from his mind, Nate counted sheep until he drifted into slumber. Right before he slipped into sleep, Kensi, brightly smiling at him while wrapped his arms, snuck back into his thoughts, and he smiled back at the face at the back of his eyelids.

).).).).)


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for those that have reviewed, I've appreciated. Also, I'm sure I've done some shoddy police work here...but i've no interest in killing myself over research. So if it's wrong, it's wrong. My apologies in advance.**

**I own none of these characters.**

The next morning, the junior agent walked into headquarters with butterflies in her stomach. Not bad ones necessarily, just a fluttering of nerves.

She didn't see any of her team anywhere and decided she was too chicken to go looking for Nate, so she just went to her desk and started in on the mountains of paperwork the government usually had for her.

After a little while, G and Sam wandered in.

"Hey Kensi," G greeted cautiously. "How're'ya doing?"

"I'm pretty good," she answered looking up from her report. "How was your run on the beach?"

G looked surprised. "It was great, thanks for asking," he paused, unsure of whether to bring up the next subject. "Hey, about last night..." he carefully added.

"You know what?" Kensi said with a smile. "Don't even worry about it. I decided I usually do just fine slugging through the lesser elements of man with out worrying if some douche-bag is running game on me. But I do appreciate you both being so willing to help me."

"You're welcome," G answered, greatly confused. He was almost more scared of happy Kensi than he'd been of melancholy Kensi. Everything was quiet in the bull pen for a while as everyone worked diligently.

"Hey Kensi, have you seen Nate?" Sam asked, shuffling through some paperwork on his desk. "I need him to sign off on some of this work I did last night."

Kensi blushed and quickly looked down at her desk. "I haven't seen him, sorry," she said, forcing a normal tone into her voice.

"Oh, that's all right, I'll go hunt him down," Sam said, gathering up some of the papers he'd been digging through.

"I'll help," G added and the two agents left the bull pen.

Kensi prayed they didn't see her tell-tale red face.

).).).).)

"Dude, did you notice her blush?" Sam asked quietly as they walked down the hall.

"Yeah – I never thought I'd see it," Callen replied. "What is going on with her?"

"Maybe Nate will know – oh ho ho...that's it!" Sam slapped a hand to his forehead.

"It's Nate!" they chorused.

).).).).)

About a half an hour later, Kensi got tired of waiting for the psychologist to seek her out. Surely a friendly hello was in order – at least after last night. The agent wandered toward his office, stomach full of butterflies again.

She knocked and swung the door open – only there was no Nate inside. After a brief check of the break rooms and Eric's lair, Kensi trudged over to Hetty's office.

"Hetty, have you seen Nate?" she asked rather timidly.

"Oh, dear, you're just who I need to see. But first, Nate isn't here this morning. I thought I'd told Mr. Callen to inform you – he's consulting with the LAPD this morning. He won't be in until well after lunch."

"Oh." Kensi couldn't help but feel deflated.

Hetty noticed that the agent seemed different on this morning. She had a decision to make about sending Kensi into the field for a last minute case, and without Nate there to let her know what the status of his 'plan' was, Hetty would need to judge Kensi's well-being for herself. "How are you doing today, Miss Blye? Nate filled me in on the botched op this morning before he left for his consult."

Kensi grinned. "I wasn't a total failure," she reassured her boss. "And I looked incredible thanks to you," she added. "All in all, I'm feeling pretty good, thanks Hetty."

"Glad to hear it," the team director said, sincerely, after studying the woman for a little while. Quickly weighing her options, Hetty made a decision. "Now, if you'll head up to Eric, I believe Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna are waiting to brief you on some work that needs done today."

"Really?" Kensi asked, excitedly. "Like, field work?" 

"Like field work," Hetty confirmed.

Kensi took off like a rocket, careening up the stairs and through the door to Eric's tech lair.

"Hetty said you needed me?" Kensi panted.

Sam and G looked up from some folders and smiled.

"Ready to get your hands dirty?" G asked.

Kensi grunted. "Yes, for heaven's sakes, yes. Even if I believed Hetty's line about crime being slow, it still sucks!"

"Well, we've got a quality criminal here," Sam assured her with sarcasm.

Pushing some photos and records onto the screen in front of them, G began explaining the case.

"Corporal Lance Fisher has been MIA for almost 2 months. Yesterday, a liquor store and 2 convenience stores were held up and LAPD issued a BOLO for a man fitting Corporal Fisher's description, and this morning DNA from one of the crime scenes proved that it was indeed Corp. Fisher that held up the 3 stores. He used a Navy issued gun and the liquor store clerk was almost positive Fisher was high.

"LAPD turned the case over to us this morning at the request of the director. A couple of warnings: he's probably high still, considering that he got quite a bit of money from the robberies and that LAPD tracked down his last known address as being that of a known meth lab."

"So why don't LAPD sting the meth lab and bust Fisher in the process?" Kensi asked.

"The lab was his last known address," G clarified. "Their detectives think he's been living on the streets for the past few weeks since he ran out of money. LAPD has a tail on him, though they aren't moving in to make an arrest unless he becomes dangerous before we get there. The Navy wants him back because he had a fairly high security clearance at the base. They'll deal with him through court martial."

"Is he still armed?"

"The gun used in the robberies was found ditched in a trash can. We're going to hope he's not but assume he is."

"Are we just going to bust in there, guns blazing?" Kensi asked skeptically.

G scoffed. "Everything I do has more finesse than 'guns blazing' Kens, you wound me."

"So, we are?"

"Yeah."

"All right then, let's go!"


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks NcisLAfan for sticking with me and reviewing at every turn. I appreciate your feedback. And thanks to everybody who's reading and reviewing. Keep it coming so I know I'm on the right track. I've lost my job so now I should have plenty of time to update faster and faster which is always pleasing to everyone! :)**

Gratefully entering NCIS headquarters, Nate loosened his tie and took off his suit coat. The morning had been tedious and stressful. He was ready to be back in his office and see if he could make Kensi smile today.

The last desire didn't surprise him. He'd spent the rest of his previous night's sleep dreaming about her. She'd been on his thoughts when he awoke and ate breakfast. When he'd stopped at the office before going over to the police precinct, he'd let himself shamelessly tell Hetty _almost_ everything that had happened the previous night. (And he prayed she couldn't figure out the rest.) While working with the LAPD all morning she'd haunted him as well.

Kensi was probably the most pleasant person Nate couldn't get out of his head. Yes, he would look forward to seeing if she would smile when she saw him. He knew he would smile when she came into view. He casually wandered past the bull pen, but didn't see anyone. He checked the break rooms and G's back room with the couch where everyone knew (but didn't admit they knew) he stayed the night lately.

Finally, he found Hetty. "Where is everybody?" he asked.

"They are out arresting Corporal Fisher," she explained without looking up from her paperwork as if that were all that were needed to explain the situation.

Nate felt his stomach clench. "Everyone?"

"Yes everyone." Still Hetty didn't look up.

Frustrated he couldn't get any answers from his boss, Nate ran up to Eric.

"Did Kensi go out on this op?" he demanded from the tech.

Eric nodded. "Callen needed her today. It was a last minute thing." While he answered Nate, he pulled up files, photos and a live feed of some street corner to the screens. Nate read over everything and began to feel better.

"All right, fine," he sighed at last. "Let me know how everything goes."

He wasn't even to the top of the stairs when Eric yelled. "Whoa Nate! Get back in here!" Nate heard the tech calling Hetty on the phone as he careened back into the lab.

"What happened?" he gasped.

Eric talked frantically to Callen for a moment and he called in an ambulance. Apparently the LAPD was already on the scene.

"G, what's going on?" he asked before Hetty even made it into the room.

"Nate, welcome back," G quipped over the speaker phone.

"What happened?" he asked, more insistent.

"Whoa, are you Hetty now? Do you get to ask that question?"

"I'm here Mr. Callen," Hetty announced. "Don't keep us in suspense. We can see an ambulance and some LAPD cars. I'm assuming 'guns blazing' didn't work for you?"

"It's not that it didn't work," G hedged. "It's more like a meth addict doesn't hold by the rules that normal people know as 'guns blazing'. The lack of education about the Wild West is disturbing to say the – "

"Tell me Mr. Callen," Hetty interrupted, "why is the ambulance there?"

G scoffed. "It's nothing," he assured his boss. "Fisher had a knife we didn't notice. He swung at Sam a few times and left three shallow gashes in his arm and a couple of scratches from his nasty fingernails. The paramedics are patching up the knife cuts and cleaning out the fingernail scratches as a precaution. Fisher was so filthy Sam'll probably need a rabies shot."

Everyone took a deep breath of relief. Worse things had happened to the team than scratches from a crazed drug addict.

"Did you get Corp. Fisher into custody?" Hetty asked.

"Yeah, of course. We'll get him transferred down to the base."

"All right Mr. Callen, we'll see you back here in a while. Good work," Hetty said and walked from the lab.

Nate wasn't as satisfied as Hetty, and he had plenty more questions.

"Hey G, where's Kensi?" he asked the agent.

"She's...she's...somewhere," Callen answered.

"Did she do all right?"

"What do mean? Of course she did just fine. This is what she does and she does it well. I think you've been over-reacting Nate. Kensi's fine."

"Well, where is she?" Nate asked.

"She's around – probably back at the car. I gotta go Nate, we'll all be back soon, okay? And you can see for yourself." G hung up and Nate was left fuming.

"Call Kensi," he ordered Eric.

"Already tried," the tech answered carefully. "She's not answering."

Grumbling, Nate felt panic spike through him. Turning on his heel, he stormed back down the stairs and up to Hetty's desk. "Why did you let her go on that op?" he practically yelled at his boss.

"Because we needed her, it was a very delicate situation and after a simple assessment G decided that Kensi was a necessary addition to the team out on this arrest."

"But - "

"Don't give me that, Mr. Getz," Hetty ordered. "Either Kensi is healthy enough to work here, or she's not. Which is it?"

"She's healthy enough, of course she's healthy enough."

"Even mentally healthy enough?"

Nate sighed. "I'm worried about her, Hetty, but that doesn't mean I don't think she can do her job."

"Glad to hear it. Now let's not borrow trouble. When Kensi gets back we'll find what we're dealing with. I'm sure everything will be fine."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Well, this is a filler chapter. I promise the story is going somewhere. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

Crouched against the side of a building, Kensi held her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming out loud.

The morning had passed in relative productivity. Fisher had been found and arrested, however, he didn't go down without a fight. Sam had been attacked. Not badly, but there was a disturbing amount of violence in the addict. Now, Fisher was in the back of the SUV (trussed up like a holiday ham), Sam was sitting on the back of an ambulance getting his arm cleaned off, and G was talking to Hetty on the phone. Kensi doubted it was a pleasant conversation.

The op hadn't gone poorly, per say. In fact it went rather well until Fisher pulled a small switchblade from his pocket and went berserk right as Sam tackled him. Kensi had reacted with all her old skill and instincts and she and G had successfully subdued the man while Sam frantically stopped the flow of blood from his own arm.

It wasn't until her adrenaline wore off that she had to run behind a building and throw up all her breakfast. Trembling and weak, she couldn't stop the onslaught of images assaulting her mind: Dom and the pool of blood spilling beneath him – his face bruised and beaten; the look on G's face when he thought she'd triggered the bomb that caused the room that held all the information on his life to go up in flames; and now the sound of the switchblade opening three long gashes on Sam's arm. Death, violence, pain...it all swam around in her mind, making her dizzy, making her sick.

Holding her hands over her face, she kept her eyes tightly shut beneath her fingers, keeping the tears and the sobs inside. The darkness welled up – the violence against Sam had fed it, made it more powerful. A small voice in her head taunted that, soon, she wouldn't be strong enough to keep it at bay – that the darkness would win and she would be gone.

"I'm scared," she whispered to the air, then used all her might to keep from freaking out right in the open day.

After a little while, she heard G call to her, telling her they were leaving.

"I'm coming!" she choked out and spat the sour taste from her mouth. She jogged to the SUV and climbed into the back seat, behind a cursing and writhing Corporal Fisher. With the exception of their deranged prisoner, the ride back to headquarters was silent – Kensi had never been more grateful for a criminal distraction.

Once they reached the non-descript building and pulled up to the front door, Sam and G pulled Fisher out of the SUV and took him into the building, probably headed to one of the holding tanks in the basement.

Kensi waited for a few minutes for her stomach to stop rolling before she gingerly climbed from the vehicle and tried to walk inconspicuously into the building. Unfortunately, she didn't even get the door shut before she noticed Nate standing with his arms crossed, blocking her way to her desk, or even to the bathrooms.

"What do you want Nate?" she asked crossly.

"You look like hell Kens," he replied, not very happy himself.

"Wow – just...wow. Trust me Nate, a girl does _not_ want to hear that."

Her acid tone didn't deter the psychologist, although their argument began to attract some attention.. "Trust _me_, Kensi, you do need to hear that. Are you ready to talk to me yet?"

"I don't need to Nate," Kensi spat at him. That statement seemed to stick on her tongue before she got it out. Some small part of her, in this moment, reached out for help. In the alley, she admitted fear of the unnamed darkness in her...for she felt like it would inevitably win.Pride and stubbornness reared their ugly heads and she defiantly tossed her hair. She was fine. Just fine. And she could cope and work and do everything demanded of her and if the darkness rose up she would fight that down too.

"Kensi," Nate interrupted her thoughts, "I need you to talk to me. I've kept you on light duty for a couple of weeks now because I've been worried - "

"What?" Kensi shrieked. Nate gulped when he realized what he'd said. "You did _what _?"

"I...uh – the – " Nate stammered.

"Oh don't bother," Kensi said, "I heard you the first time. So it _was _you stonewalling me! I thought maybe G was still mad over his whole incident from the spring, and then when he promised me he wasn't I asked Hetty if she was the one keeping me back, and she gave me some schtick about just not having a lot of active field work to be done... but it was you! Why would you do that to me?"

"Kens," Nate took a deep breath. "I asked everybody to take it easy on you because I was – I am worried about you."

"Worried? About what?"

"I am worried about you bottling up your emotions. No one has talked to me since Dom's death, or Macy's. Now this I expect from G and Sam. But they talk to each other when they have words that need to be said. And Eric, though he doesn't realize it, has a vast support group in the NCIS inter-web. Abby Sciuto is probably a better psychologist for him than I am."

"So that's what it is?" Kensi asked sarcastically. "You're feeling left out? Oh, no one wants to talk to the operational psychologist, oh, boohoo."

Nate flinched. "That's not what I mean, and you know it." Their argument had escalated, and he began to notice people openly staring at them. Hetty included.

"Then enlighten me."

"I'm worried because I've watched everyone grieve in their own way, except you. I've tried to gauge if you've found some other person to vent to, but all I've observed is that you're bottled up. Each day and week that has passed I've seen you get more and more withdrawn. Now I'm not saying you can't do your job; that's not why I asked for G to put you on light duty. I'm just worried that if you don't deal with everything that's happened lately, you're going to...to explode from the stress."

"I'm not going to explode Nate, so just calm down!"

"I disagree, Kensi," Nate said patiently, but even as he said the words, he saw a fire come on in her eyes and he knew he'd pushed too hard.

"I don't give a rat's ass what you agree or disagree with Nate!" she practically screamed at him. "All of this is none of your business!"

Without giving him a chance to continue the conversation, she ran for the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Nate ran his hands through his hair and noticed all the onlookers scattering from his frustrated glare.

He stalked toward his office, but G intercepted him, having left Sam with Hetty for interogation.

"Wow, Nate, making a public spectacle of yourself?" the agent jibed, concern obvious despite his words.

Nate groaned. "I'm not handling this very well. You're right, I probably should have left well enough alone. She doesn't need any help."

G stuffed his hands in his pockets and studied the ground, thoughtful, before he answered. "Actually, Nate, I think you were right."

"Come again?"

"You heard me," Callen answered, grinning wryly. He took a deep breath before continuing. "When Fisher went beserk today, I will admit that it sort of knocked me silly for a minute. Not outwardly – my reactions and reflexes are too used to jumping into action for them to be stalled by something as mundane as emotions – but I did almost panic for a second. And when that addict's blade sliced open Sam's arm there was an audible noise. It was sickening. But Sam's okay and everyone's okay and there's no use crying over spilled milk."

"What are you trying to tell me, G?" Nate asked, puzzled.

"Well, when I looked at Kensi in the rearview mirror on our way back to headquarters, I saw that it wasn't spilled milk to her. Something's in her that needs to get out. I haven't noticed it, probably because I have my own internal demons banging around – my issues have taken all of everyone's energy lately. But I'm going to be all right. I think it's time for Kensi to be all right too."

"But she doesn't want to talk to me," Nate sighed.

"So make her."

A harsh laugh escaped the psychologist. "Yeah, that works really well with Kensi. I'm not sure I have what it takes to out-stubborn her."

G clapped his hand on Nate's shoulder. "I think you're just the man for the job. The only one who's ever made her blush."

Before Nate could ask what G meant by that last remark, the agent stalked off. Nate turned toward the bathroom. Kensi still hadn't come out, so, sighing loud and long, he trudged to his office to give the junior agent some time to calm down before he tried again.


	9. Chapter 9

Eventually, Kensi did come out of the bathroom. After 2 panic attacks and another offering at the porcelain alter, Kensi rinsed her mouth, splashed some cool water on her face and straightened her hair, she carefully retreated to her desk, where she buried herself under a stack of reports.

The afternoon waned on. Luckily the bulk of their day had been spent getting Fisher, and Kensi gratefully watched the clock tick toward the end of the day. Sam and G came and went, Eric breezed through a few times. Kensi studiously ignored them all. At one point, in one of her reports, Kensi started to write the word 'domineering'. She got no further than the first three letters before she felt panic rise up in her again. It took several minutes of deep breathing with her eyes tightly closed to bring herself into control.

She opened her eyes to find that a few tears had squeezed through, wetting her face. She also realized Nate stood before her. She groaned.

"What Nate? Really, you want to have this argument again? I was just about to go home so maybe – "

Nate reached over and grabbed Kensi's wrist and dragged her from the bullpen. Too startled to say anything, she just let him drag her down the hall, toward the back room with the couch.

"This ends now," Nate said over his shoulder. Kensi, still too stunned, didn't reply.

Pushing the door open, Nate saw G stretched out on the couch and ordered him from the room.

"But this is _my_ room!" G complained, although he quickly exited the room when Nate sent a dark glare at him.

The psychologist pushed Kensi through the door and turned on Callen. "Too bad, she needs it."

"How long are you going to be?"

"However long it takes."

"Well what am _I_ supposed to do?"

Nate dug into his pocket and tossed G his keys. "If we don't come out at a decent hour, crash at my apartment tonight. But I only have a little of my favorite organic orange juice left so don't drink it!"

With those final stern instructions, Nate slammed the door, locked it and turned to face Kensi. She stood defiantly in the middle of the room, tears brimming in red eyes.

"Leave me alone Nate!" she hissed. "_I don't want to talk to you._"

"Well, _I_ don't want to see _you_ like this anymore, so we're obviously at odds here."

"What do you mean – "

"Oh, stop it Kensi," Nate said angrily getting up in Kensi's face.. "No more pretense, no more cover-ups. I have been watching you all afternoon. Do you really think I can't see your pain? Do you really think I can't see that you're struggling? It's all I can do to not shake you by the shoulders until you see the sense of talking about what's going on in your head!"

"All right, Nate, fine," she conceded, having been literally and proverbially backed into a wall. "I'll talk to someone, just...just not you."

"Kensi, I'm your psychologist – it's my job to talk to you about things that are weighing you down."

"I know, but – I just...I don't..." she struggled to articulate her thoughts and Nate took pity on her.

"It's fine Kensi," he said quietly. "So don't talk to me, but talk to someone. Let me recommend another psychologist or do you have a friend you can go to?" Nate asked quietly.

She scooted away from him and walked to the window, staring sullenly out of it. Nate moved to the couch, sitting with a silent groan; ready to wait out this mess.

"I used to," Kensi finally whispered. "But I shouldn't have friends."

"What do you mean? Everyone should have friends."

His comments were met with silence again, and he feared he'd once again pushed too far or too hard. The agent walked in slow circles around the room, and eventually, she stopped behind the couch. Nate tried not to follow her with his eyes. He didn't press her to respond, he just sat, staring ahead, waiting for her to be able to get the words out.

After almost 10 minutes, Kensi's timid voice finally broke the silence.

"I don't have friends because because I'm... I'm...heavy," she replied with a wealth of emotion. Her voice trembled with it.

The psychologist was confused. Surely, she didn't refer to her physical appearance. "What do you mean Kens?"

"Wh - When Dom got kidnapped, I felt his absence like a weight in me. It drug around behind me and I couldn't get rid of it. And when Dom was killed, and then Agent Macy too, the weight got heavier and heavier. My friends tried to help but nothing they said seemed to do any good. I guess eventually they got tired of trying to keep me going. I don't blame them. They shouldn't have to help me...shouldn't have to do this work."

Kensi stopped, taking a couple of deep, very shaky breaths.

Carefully, the psychologist stood up and walked toward his colleague. "Kensi," he whispered standing very close, looking down into her face. "I understand why you feel you have to drag the weight alone – why you think it's your burden only to carry. But today – _today_ – you need to let me help you carry it. Just for a while."

"No, I don't -"

"Kensi, you need rest," Nate pointed out.

"I didn't say I was sleepy," the agent said defensively.

"The rest I'm talking about has nothing to do with sleep. Your soul needs rest from the hurt and violence and confusion." Nate tentatively reached out his hand and ran it down her hair. "Kensi, please let me carry this with you today."

Hot tears burned in the backs of Kensi's eyes and she didn't know how she could bear the pain. When she felt her friend's gentle caress on her head, a great racking sob escaped her tightly closed mouth. She looked down and saw his hand out, asking for her. She grabbed it, gripping for dear life.

"Oh God, Nate!" Kensi gasped, tears dripping down her face. "I feel like Dom and Macy and everything that happened - it's crushing me where I stand!"

"I won't let it," Nate assured her. "I won't let anything happen to you." He could see she was on the verge of the breakthrough he wanted. Stubborn little thing that she was, she held out for a ridiculous amount of time, the war of emotions raging across her face. He read her struggle like he could read a newspaper.

"Kensi," he whispered. "Let it go."

A switch turned in her mind – he could see it – and he grabbed a hold of her right before she crumpled to the floor, great, heaving sobs filling the quiet room. He led her over to the couch, brought the two boxes of tissues to his elbow and just held his colleague while she cried.

After a few minutes she began to talk as she sobbed. She told Nate all demons that rode her, and she flushed them out with her tears. She cried for Dom, and the pain and fear he must have endured. She railed against fate that would get them so close to having him back, only to make him a martyr for them all. She cried for his family and the loss that is so great no one should have to experience. She cried for Macy and the injustice she suffered. She cried for G and all the loss he'd experienced in his life, only to have hit another brick wall.

Through it all, Nate just held her, stroking her back and whispering calming words into her hair.

After a while, the lock turned and Hetty came into the room. She took one look at Kensi and came bustling over to the couch, sitting on the agent's other side.

"Oh my dear girl," she whispered. Kensi easily transferred herself to Hetty's embrace.

"Hetty, I'm just so sad about Dom and Macy and everything lately!" she cried into her bosses' arms.

"I know my dear," Hetty replied, stroking Kensi's tousled hair. "But you're going to be all right. You're going to be all right."

Hetty sat with Nate and Kensi for quite a while before her phone vibrated.

"I have to go talk to Director Vance," she said. When Kensi didn't move to let go of her, Hetty indicated that Nate should help her. Carefully, he took the agent back into his arms, smiled sadly at Hetty, then resumed his gentle, soothing ministrations.

Eventually, Kensi's storm came to an end and she fell into a fitful slumber. Still Nate didn't move her from his side. He was exhausted as well, but couldn't justify going to sleep in case Kensi woke up.

So, he sat quietly, rubbing Kensi's back and counting the stripes on her shirt. Not too long after she fell asleep Callen and Sam peeked into the room.

"Dude," Sam whispered. "That was an epic freak out."

"Yes it was," Nate replied with a yawn.

"How'd you do it?"

"It wasn't pretty, you don't wanna know."

).).).)

Kensi slept fitfully through the evening and into the night. Nate thought about waking her up and taking her home, but one look at her face showed a glimmer of peace, so he let her be.

Eventually, he dozed off himself, leaning his head against the back of the old couch Hetty pretended she didn't know about but kept in the back room for anyone needing a place to crash. Well after midnight, he awakened suddenly when Kensi whimpered.

"Kensi?" he asked groggily. "You okay?"

Slowly her eyes opened and Nate could see her panic. "Nate?" she asked, digging her fingers into his arm. "Where am I?"

Nate helped the agent sit up so he could reach over and flip on the lamp near the couch. "We're still at headquarters," he said hastily explained. "You fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you."

Kensi blinked rapidly, her brain working overtime to remember what had happened. Tears welled up in her eyes again and she angrily wiped them away.

"I don't want to cry anymore," she hissed frustratedly.

Nate chuckled softly. "I don't blame you. How do you feel?"

The agent grimaced. "Like I got kicked in the head by an elephant and then hung out to dry."

).).).).)

**A/N: I am so in love with this chapter. I don't know if it's OOC, but I'll tell you what: It's a roller coaster. Review please – even if you hate it. Especially if you hate it! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So, this isn't edited well, all mistakes are mine and none of the characters. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I tried to message everybody personally, hopefully I didn't miss anybody but if I did, I'm terribly sorry. I can't tell you how I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I'm learning a lot through this process, and I have you all to thank for it.**

**More to come soon – unemployment is actually busier than I expected, so I'll try for a chapter a day. Enjoy!**

Nate and Kensi sat in comfortable silence in the dark of the quiet headquarters. Kensi hadn't moved from her spot tucked against Nate. She felt drained, languid, and her mind was fuzzy. And, snuggled close to the psychologist made her feel safe, buoyed up – she didn't want to move from that.

After a little while, Nate looked at his watch. "It's 2:30am," he whispered. "Do you want me to take you home?"

Kensi shook her head, her hair brushing against his neck. "Nate?" she asked. "Will you stay here with me until I figure out what to say...what to do?"

He squeezed her shoulders, rubbing his hand on her arm. "Of course I will Kensi. We'll sit here as long as you need."

"I – I feel a little silly, crying all over you like I did," she said. "I think I probably ruined your shirt."

"It's okay," Nate chuckled. "Tears wash."

Kensi sighed. "Yeah, they do. And more than just out of clothes."

"What else do they wash?"

She didn't answer for a moment. It was a weighty question, a personal question. "My soul."

"That's all I ever wanted."

The agent craned her head around to look Nate in the face. "I'm sorry I was so angry with you," she said. "I had this...this darkness in me. I'm afraid I didn't have the control over it that I wanted. I was weak."

"Kensi," Nate sighed. "You are not weak. Talking to me about what's going on in your head isn't weakness."

"But G and Sam don't ever want to talk to you," she pointed out, her face still close to his.

Nate rolled his eyes. "That doesn't make it right," he rejoined. "If G and Sam jumped off a – "

"Don't even use that, Nate," Kensi reached up and covered his mouth, cutting him off. "This is not even the same thing."

"Isn't it?" he said beneath her fingers. She moved her hand with a grimace before he continued. "Talking about what happens to you guys out on your ops is healthy – whether agents want to admit it or not. No one is immune to the effects of the violence and stress you're under. Not male or female, not junior agent or senior. I get it that it's easier to just try and repress what you're feeling – especially since sometimes the emotions are very unpleasant. But I don't want to ever look in your face again and see the anguish I've seen these past few months, okay?"

"What if I just bury it – so you can't see?" Kensi asked, turning from Nate and working herself down into the crook of his arm.

"I'll always see," Nate promised in a whisper. Kensi stilled at his comment and changed the subject.

They didn't talk much longer before Kensi fell back asleep, her head on Nate's shoulder. He just stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep but feeling weariness suck the life from his bones. It was the kind of weariness that clouded his thinking...which he didn't need with a beautiful woman sidled up next to him.

Restless, Kensi turned to him and wrapped her arm around his waist and hitched a leg over his. Nate sucked in a breath, unsure of what he should do in this situation. What he _wanted _to do flooded his mind – especially when he noticed her hand fit perfectly at the top of his hip. Shaking his head, he tried to focus on what he _should_ do. Kensi would probably be embarrassed if she woke up like this.

"Kensi," he whispered, reluctantly but gently tapping her shoulder. "Hey Kens, wake up."

She stirred, opened her eyes briefly, and then pulled herself tighter against him. "Let's go dancing again, Nate," she murmured, sleepily burrowing her face in his neck.

Nate took a deep breath. "Okay, wow," he sighed. This felt just as good – almost better – than when he'd held her while dancing. He struggled to control the tidal wave of feelings her nearness assaulted him with. Her breath on his neck could be his undoing, and the weight of her arm across his middle felt natural, almost familiar. Nate couldn't help but lean into Kensi just a little bit more, although there were warning bells going off in the back of his head. As tired as he was, it was easy to ignore them, and he finally gave up fighting for propriety.

"I will dance with you anytime you ask, Kensi," he said, gently smoothing her hair before putting his cheek against her forehead. "But you're tired, so maybe we should sleep first."

Kensi sighed. "Let's sleep first," she affirmed, so out of it she was practically sleep talking. "And then when you ask me to dance you should put your arm around me like last time."

He gave an answering sigh, and his weariness made him bold – almost reckless. "Yeah Kensi, I'll put my arm around you again. And maybe this time I'll kiss those lips of yours. They were stained a pretty pink last time and looked like they needed a kiss...but I didn't get one from them."

"Yes but...mmmhm bmmhmm..." Kensi's reply faded into murmurs and Nate knew he'd lost her to dreamland again. He felt the steady rise and fall of her chest against his side and soon became mesmerized by her rhythmic breathing.

Running his fingers up and down her arm, with sleep tugging at his eyelids, Nate let his mind run away with itself. He recalled the night he'd watched her at the bar, remembered how beautiful she'd been that night and how he'd suddenly – desperately – wanted to make sure he wasn't just another idiot passing her by. That hadn't changed his plan,or 'goal', for her, per say, but it certainly effected his tactics. And now, here he was, with his veritable patient wrapped up in his arms, and all he could think about was how it felt to be the one she leaned on, the one she cried too. Kensi was the strongest woman he knew – except for maybe Hetty – and yet he was able to help her. For a moment in time, she needed him...even if he did have to force the issue. He felt a million feet tall and stronger than Superman.

Finally, Nate succumbed to sleep a few hours before the dawn came and demanded the start of another day.

).).).).)

Somewhere during their few hours of sleep, Nate stretched out on the couch, moving Kensi down with him. The next morning's sun woke Kensi slowly. Her head ached and her neck was stiff and her eyelids felt like sandpaper grating over her eyeballs.

She blinked until she could see, and Nate's sleeping face came into focus just inches from her's. Mentally locating all her appendages, she gasped when she realized where they were, which woke Nate up with a jolt.

"What's wrong Kens?" he asked groggily. "Are you okay?"

Kensi stared at the psychologist. Did he not realize where – or _how_ they were? Stretched out on a couch, wrapped in each others arms and their legs intertwined? Nate noticed the panic in her face and he quickly untangled himself from her and helped her sit up. He got up from the couch and stretched, purposefully giving Kensi space and a moment to gain control without an audience.

"Wow," he said, giving his neck a good pop, "that is not the most comfortable couch in the history of the world."

"No it's not," Kensi agreed quietly. "What time is it?"

Nate checked his watch. "Almost 6:45," he answered, trying to gauge if she wanted to speak about their waking circumstances. She didn't seem to, as she refused to meet his eyes. Tension filled the air.

"I'd better get home and get a shower."

"Yeah, me – oh, damn it!"

"What's wrong?" Kensi had stood up from the couch but she whirled around to him in concern, the awkwardness dissipating as Nate determinedly banished it from his own conduct.

"I gave my keys to G in case he needed somewhere to crash last night...I mean, I did commandeer his room technically and he won't be in for at least another few hours..."

"So you don't have your car keys," Kensi finished for him.

"Yeah, but it's no big deal," Nate waved it off. "I'm a guy. Guys are allowed to be smelly and rumpled. In fact, it's expected."

"You always smell very good and you're never rumpled, Nate, even now," Kensi pointed out. She blushed after she'd said it, for it admitted their sleeping arrangemnt, but she gamely stood by the compliment. Nate smiled and held back any teasing. He wasn't in the mood to see her anything except happy.

"Thank you."

Kensi opened her mouth to say something else, but nothing came out for a moment. Nate could see her formulating a thought, and struggling with it.

"Out with it Kens," he ordered gently.

The junior agent huffed at him and rolled her eyes. "I was just trying to think of a non-creepy way to tell you you can come over to my house and use my shower if you'd like. I even have non-girly soap...well, gender-neutral, let's say. But only if you want to, or if you don't think it's weird."

"Oh," Nate was taken aback for a moment, but not because the request was weird. Going to Kensi's apartment with her felt...couple-ish. Especially after his meandering thoughts from the previous night. He forced any similar notions from his mind. "Thanks Kensi, I really appreciate that. Actually a shower would be nice."

Kensi looked a strange mix of relieved and nervous. "Great, great. Perfect," she stammered. "Well, then, let's get going."

As it turned out, G was already at the office and had Nate's keys ready and waiting for him. Hetty had delayed starting Sam's op one day because of Nate's engagement with the LAPD and also because of the emergency case. G and Sam met early to finalize details before Sam checked out.

"Thanks for the use of your apartment," G said, tossing the keys to Nate when he and Kensi found him in the bullpen.

"Did you touch - "

"No I didn't touch your orange juice Getz, geez," Callen rolled his eyes. "And I changed the sheets and made the bed and wiped my prints off of everything I touched, are you happy?"

"Yes," Nate said sarcastically. He knew G was just trying to make things light for Kensi's sake. Silence fell over the bull pen for a moment before the lead agent turned to the junior agent.

"Good morning Kensi Blye," he said softly.

Kensi self-consciously smoothed her hair. "Good morning G," she answered without looking up at him. Callen looked at Nate, who smiled at him reassuringly, then walked over and – much to everyone's surprise – wrapped Kensi in a huge hug.

"I'm sorry I'm so bad at helping you with things," he said to her, holding her close. "But we – I like to see you happy, so don't think you can bottle up again, okay? Don't think you're any less of an agent just because you cope with things differently than me or Sam or Eric, even. You are an incredible operative and I couldn't ask for someone better to have my back. Don't ever forget that."

Kensi struggled to keep her emotions in check. She tentatively wrapped her arms around G and hugged him back. "I won't," she whispered. "I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you lately. I promise I'll keep helping you figure out who you are."

G pulled away and put his hands on the junior agent's shoulders. "You are a good friend to worry about me. Thank you for caring enough to keep pounding the pavement on this."

The tears spilled unchecked down her cheeks now, but she smiled beneath them. "You're welcome."

G gave her another quick hug and kissed her cheek. "Whew," he said lightly, swiping playfully at her face. "Sa-ah-alty! You'd better get home and wash those tears away. And make sure that one goes home too," he said, indicating Nate. "He's smelly."

).).).).)


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to get up. Thanks for everyone that stuck with me. There are no excuses...but I will tell ya, I've refrained from starting any other stories until I finish this one. That's good right? **

Kensi stood under the hot spray of her shower, rinsing away the stress and the tension from the past 48 hours. Though she was sure she was all cried out, a few tears leaked from her tightly closed eyes when she thought about last night – how it felt to be rid of the darkness, how it felt to win over it.

For a moment, Kensi panicked. What if it came back? What if it wasn't really gone, that she just struck it a blow, but the enemy would retrench and regather? She almost jumped, soapy and slippery, from the shower and to call Nate, but she took a deep, calming breath and knew she'd be fine until she saw him at the office. Now that she knew she could open her mouth and say things to him, and that he wouldn't run away or think she was stupid or weak, starting the next conversation wouldn't be hard. Or at least it would be easier.

Kensi quickly rinsed off and hopped from the shower, going through her remaining morning routine in a hurry. She grabbed a bagel and smeared some cream cheese on it before she flew from her apartment to head back to work.

While she drove, her resolve began to fail her. Also, she began to doubt her faith in Nate. What if everything was just an act? He said he was helping her as her friend...but doesn't his job come first? Ethically, isn't he responsible to ensure she's mentally and emotionally healthy enough to continue her job? Just what lengths would he go to to get her to talk to him? Kensi gasped and felt a hot flush go over her body. Is that what their dancing had been? Did he actually want to do something fun with her or was he just playing an angle? She burned with shame when she remembered how she leaned on him so completely the previous night – cuddled up to him even – and he had held her so gently.

Though she tried not to, Kensi started to feel a little duped. Something in her rebelled at the thought that Nate would stoop to subterfuge to get something out of her, but her pride smarted at even the slightest hint that she'd been had. Finally, Kensi could take the battle of emotions no more. She cranked up her music and focused on the traffic until she finally pulled into headquarters. Kensi took the keys from the ignition, took off her seat belt, but found that her internal conflict held her back from getting out of the car..

_Do you really believe he tricked you into talking to him just for the sake of his job? s_he asked herself. Kensi thought back to the night after they'd danced, when Nate walked her to her door. She could remember the look on his face as he gazed at her. It hadn't been pity, or conniving...she saw in his face that he felt pain for her. Yesterday, the pain had been masked by anger when he'd dragged her to the back room and locked them both away from the world, but it was still there when he'd reached out for her, ready to catch her when she finally broke.

No, no she didn't believe Nate tricked her or ran an angle on her just to sign off on some medical clearance. Besides – he'd admitted she could still do her job just fine. Remembering that made Kensi feel better toward the psychologist.

So, why was she embarrassed? Nate said it was healthy to talk about things – and she did feel better – but she just wished...she wished...what did she wish?

Finally, Kensi forced to her mind the thought she avoided: she wished Nate hadn't seen her weak, vulnerable, and broken – she blushed in her shame that he would see her like that.

"Ugh! Why do I care?" she asked her car's ceiling. Kensi thought about last night, the feel of his arm around her shoulders – he'd kept her close to him all night. Her heart started to beat faster as she remembered waking up lying next t him. It had shocked her, true, but only because she couldn't remember how they got there...what had led up to finding herself horizontal on the couch, entangled with her team's psychologist.

She already knew she was attracted to him. Dancing with him had answered that question for her. Was it more? Is that why she cared if he saw her cry – saw the ugly darkness inside her? Kensi shook her head and got out of her car in a huff.

"Don't be ridiculous, Kensi," she berated herself. "You barely know Nate."

But, as she walked into headquarters, her memories revealed the lie. She did know Nate. She knew he could play the harmonica; she knew he loved music and was a bad shot. She knew he was perceptive – so perceptive – and stubborn. She knew he worried and cared about not just her, but the whole team, and he was smart and intelligent and savvy in his field. She knew he was a great dance teacher and a good listener. She knew that the feeling of his hand at her back, pulling her close to him, made her stomach do flip flops. She knew that tucked close to his side made her feel relaxed and energized all at the same time.

By the time she'd admitted all these things to herself – she was at her desk and feeling jittery and jumpy all over..

"So what are you going to do about this?" she asked herself in a whisper. G wasn't in the bullpen, and Hetty wasn't at her desk, so now would be the perfect time to go talk to Nate. Break the proverbial ice. And, Kensi had a feeling that seeing him would calm her down tremendously...if only she could see him.

In the end, her resolve failed her, and she sat miserably at her desk – vaguely recalling a similar situation not too many days past – and set to work.

).).).).)

Nate watched Kensi return to work. As he followed her with his eyes while she walked to her desk, he worried he might be turning into some sort of stalker. He couldn't help it – he felt like his body became instantly aware the moment she came into the building.

"A penny for your thoughts, Mr. Getz?"

Nate jumped guiltily and turned to see Hetty staring him down...er, up. "I, uh...just need to...um..." he stammered, feeling a blush creep up his neck.

Hetty chuckled. "I'm not here to bust your chops, so calm down."

The psychologist sighed and rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm always glad to see you Hetty," he said dryly but sincerely. "What can I do for you?"

"I'd like to speak with you about your _plan_," Hetty said and indicated he should join her back in his office. "When I came to check on you yesterday evening, I was a little surprised to find Kensi in such a state. Was that your desired goal?"

Nate heard in his bosses' voice that she wasn't angry, just curious. "Not exactly," he confessed and sat behind his desk when Hetty took a seat on the couch opposite him. "I wanted her to talk to me – freely, but I think I made a wrong turn."

"Well, what were you shooting for?" Hetty asked.

"I wanted to help Kensi with her surface issues – like helping her understanding how to run game on someone. I figured if I could get her comfortable with me spending quality time dealing with easier issues eventually she'd just open her mouth and spill about the deeper, harder problems."

"What went wrong?"

"I...I'm not sure."

"Liar," Hetty accused stoically.

Groaning, Nate swiped his hands over his face. "All right, all right," he said. "I do know where I went wrong. But I don't want to tell you."

"I'm your boss," Hetty pointed out. "I can make you tell me."

Nate glared at the petite woman, and tried to figure out how he could truthfully tell her what she wanted to know without incriminating himself.

"Okay, fine," he finally said. "I went wrong when I lost patience with Kensi. She's so stubborn and independent and no matter what I did or said or saw or heard she _refused_ to let me help her."

"So you shanghied her until she let you in?" There was no censure, just a desire for clarification.

"Basically?" Nate answered carefully. Hetty didn't looked convinced, and he let the truth spill out. "You don't know what's it's like Hetty," he gushed. "To look into her face and see her soul screaming in pain, and not be allowed to help her. Ever since Dom was taken I have had to confront that torment, everyday. It's consumed my thoughts and I _tried_ to help her. I offered politely to talk to her, I sat through her mandatory sessions being given the cold shoulder, and I tried to get her team to help her. Nothing worked. So I set about to take another angle at it. But when my great 'plan' didn't seem to be working either, I suppose I just lost it."

Hetty sat silently for a moment, studying Nate. She didn't point out that the psychologist wasn't the only one to have noticed Kensi's struggle. She also didn't call him onto the carpet to tell her _why_ he cared beyond the normal parameters of his job. She didn't do these things because she wasn't sure she was ready to face what it would mean if her team psychologist was in love with one of her agents. And she really wasn't ready to face what it would mean if Kensi loved Nate back.

"Well, Mr. Getz, do you know how Miss Blye is today?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I haven't seen her yet," Nate confessed. "Not since early this morning when we parted ways to go home to shower and change clothes."

Hetty's eyebrows lifted at this news and Nate unsuccessfully tried to force away a blush. "Oh, it wasn't like that. It was all very professional and on the - " Nate started to explain but Hetty waved him off.

"I have no doubts that you were extremely respectful of Kensi," she interrupted him. "I would just ask that you make sure she continues to talk to someone – even if it's not you. Though she is fine to continue her job– something I'm glad you finally came around to – I agree that it's very disheartening to see her unhappy. I much prefer a Miss Blye who knows how to cope, one who is happy. I'm sure her team would agree."

"I like Kensi that way too," Nate said. With this assurance, Hetty left Nate's office. The psychologist closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. Kensi's peaceful, sleeping face appeared on the back of his eyelids. He remembered how it felt to hold her while she slept, and he groaned.

"Shit," he mumbled. "I've got it bad."

"What's wrong?" a timid, familiar voice from the doorway asked. Nate's eyes flew open and he sat upright in a hurry. Kensi stood, partially hidden by the door jamb, looking uncertainly at him.

"Oh, hey Kens," Nate said unsure whether his heart was beating so fast because she was there before him or because he was startled. "You scared me."

"Sorry," she whispered, still standing behind the doorway. She kicked her toe absently against the floor, her eyelashes fluttering to keep tears at bay. Nate's gut wrenched when he realized that last night's exorcism hadn't solved Kensi's hesitation to talk to him. What did he have to do to prove he would be there for her?

Nate breathed deeply to calm his frustrations. "I'm sure you're tired of hearing this from me – but how are you feeling?" he asked.

"Fine," Kensi said quietly, not quite looking him in the face.

Nate waited patiently for Kensi to come out with what she had to say; it paid off after a short silence.

"Did you mean what you told Hetty?" she asked after a few minutes.

The questions surprised Nate, and made him panic a little too. "How much did you hear?" he asked, struggling to remember exactly what he said.

"Basically all of it," she said. "I was coming to talk to you, and heard Hetty asking you about your 'plan for me'."

Nate sighed and stood up from his desk. He motioned for Kensi to come out from behind the doorway. She slowly pushed herself away from the wall and entered his office. Nate indicated that she should sit on the couch in the corner, and when she did, he sat next to her, his fingers aching to touch the strands of hair that fell across her cheek.

Forcing that urge away, he made himself focus on the subject at hand.

"What's up?" he asked. "What do you want to talk about?"

Kensi's hands balled into fists. "Did you really know?"

"Know what?"

"That I wasn't dealing very well after Dom's kidnapping?"

Nate didn't answer for a moment. He cast his mind back to the days after Dom was taken from his car. "I did know," he said. "I knew you felt strongly about it after you went to his house and cleaned up his kitchen."

Kensi looked surprised. "How did you know that was me?"

"I went to his apartment too. It must have been right after you there because the sink was still wet and...well...I could smell your perfume."

"Oh," the agent said, lapsing into silence. She leaned forward with her arms on her knees and stared at her fingers for a few minutes.

"What's going on in your head?" Nate asked. Kensi just shrugged. "Oh, no," the psychologist protested, turning to the woman next to him and pulling her up to face him. "After all the work I put in to getting you to talk to me, I'm not going to settle for a shoulder shrug. So what are you thinking?"

"It's just that...well, it's just _that_," Kensi said. "Why did you put so much work into getting me to talk to you? You don't bug G or Sam like that. You don't have a 'plan' to get them to talk to you. So why me?" She stopped, doubt in her eyes. "Did you think I was defective or something?"

"Heavens no, Kens, of course not," Nate defended, grabbing her hands and sliding to his knee in front of her. "You are not defective. You aren't broken or wrong in any way. You are perfect."

"Then why try to change me?"

"Oh, Kensi," Nate sighed. "I wasn't trying to change you. It was my _job_ to make sure you were happy."

"It's your job to make sure I'm healthy, Nate," the agent said. "And Hetty said even you admitted that I was healthy – certified to stay on the job. So why the 'plan'?"

Nate considered the unspoken question. "Well, I'm your friend, and friends have a right to see each other happy, right?"

Kensi's lips lifted in a small smile and she shyly squeezed Nate's hands. "You're my friend?"

"Of course, always."

She nodded contentedly, her smile getting a little bigger. "Good."

"What? What's with the grin?"

Kensi looked into Nate's eyes for a long moment before unexpectedly leaning forward and wrapping her arms around Nate's neck and gripping him in a fierce hug.

"I haven't had a friend in a long time."

After a stunned moment, Nate put his arms around Kensi and returned her embrace.

"So you're not mad at me?" he asked.

Kensi laughed and burrowed her face into his neck.

"I'm not mad," she said lightly. "Thanks for noticing I needed someone."

**End Note: Okay, I need some help – people: where would you like this story to go? Do you want to see them together? Have I already crossed that line and I need to complete the proverbial relationship circle? Please let me know – I need some ideas of where to take this if I'm gonna keep flogging along on this story line. Thanks in advance for your help.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I'm using some shamelessly unresearched military jargon in this chapter. Good times. But if you want the chapter up, I've got to get it up while the kid sleeps...so be kind to my ignorant offering. J'adore you all! All the mistakes are mine, none of the character are, however.**

A week passed in calm content. Kensi, immersed back in field work and regular cases, had very little time to speak to Nate, although that didn't stop her from thinking about him constantly, or smiling when she thought about him, or smiling even bigger when she actually got to see him. Though she was happy to be free from the darkness and happy she had a friend who really knew her in this world, there was a simmering impatience in her gut. She wasn't quite ready to go and get what she wanted – she wasn't exactly sure what 'it' was anyway – but the need brewed within her.

During the week, the team got 2 new cases – one of them they solved quickly and the other was so bizarre, the entire team went from lead to lead and clue to clue and suspect to suspect with increasing aghast. The victims were some female enlisted personnel who brought complaints to their superiors that they were being spied on by some of the enlisted men. The deeper the team got into the case, the more twisted it became. It turned out that someone was running a 'fetish' ring – giving sailors access to their bizarre fetishes (including those with interests in nail biting, weight lifting and make up removing) at the expense of their unsuspecting ship mates.

Sam and Kensi tracked down one of the suspects in the fetish ring and interrogated him – much to their disgust and dismay – in the boat house. After a few unfruitful minutes, they exited the interrogation room, rolling their eyes.

"Okay," Callen said, from the cluttered table in the main room. "And now this case is even more ridiculous."

"I know, right?" Kensi groaned. "And now I think I need a shower."

The agents took seats around the table and Sam turned to Nate, who sat perched on a work bench, observing the suspect on the computer screen.

"What do you think Nate?" Sam asked.

"I think...I think..." Nate could hardly form a sentence. "I think I hate dealing with sexual crimes. They are creepy and evil to the nth degree. Even though this guy is vouching for the harmlessness of his actions – and the actions of his co-conspirators – they have, no they _are_ violating their colleagues' trust and souls in very damaging and long-lasting ways. People like this make me sick!"

Everyone sat stunned for a moment. "Wow, tell us how you really feel, Nate," G said dryly.

"Sorry," the psychologist said, "but that's what I think. You asked, remember?" he pointed out.

"Yeah, remind me not to ask again," Sam replied, not unkindly.

"Anyway," Nate breathed. "I really do think this guy should be brought up on charges. I think he'll roll over on the ring-leaders if you squeeze him with the right kind of force."

"Great, well, I'll head back in there and finish this off then," Sam said, rising from the table. "We'll be shut of this case by dinner time. Actually G, why don't you call the MP's and get them over here right now? Really show this guy we mean business."

"Sounds good to me," G picked up his cell phone.

Sam turned to Kensi. "You coming?"

Kensi blanched, but didn't hesitate. "Yes, even though this guy gives me the willies."

"Actually," Nate cut in, "I don't think you should send Kensi in there again. I think it should just be guys that go back in there."

"Excuse me?" Kensi looked indignant. "I am perfectly capable of nailing this guy to the wall, thank you. He might make my skin crawl, but I _won't_ let that distract me."

G and Sam stood stock still, looking back and forth between the junior agent and the psychologist.

"I didn't say you couldn't handle him. I'm saying that you – as a female – are a distraction for this guy," Nate amended. He picked up the remote and rewound the interrogation, stopping it right where Kensi walked into the room. The suspect's face lit up at the sight of the agent, and every so often he would grin and squirm.

"I will put a quick guess out there that this guy is into hair," Nate observed. "Notice how every time you touch your hair, Kensi, he gets aroused?"

"Ew!" the three agents chorused.

"Oh grow up!" Nate barked. "I'm just saying that as long as Kensi goes in there, you're giving this jerk exactly what he wants, and therefore he won't give you what you want. Capeesh?"

Everyone – especially Kensi – agreed with a hint of shame-face.

"Good," Nate said, then he turned to Kensi, his tone softening. "I'm sorry to meddle again," he said sincerely.

"It's okay, Nate," Kensi replied. "I understand the logic behind it."

"Geez, Kens," Sam teased, "I doubt _this_ guy would run game on you...just toss your hair and he's putty in your hands..."

Kensi glared at him, but the boys weren't finished.

G started to needle her about switching shampoos for 'tossable' hair like in the commercials and everyone laughed, even the junior agent, although she reminded them that they all sucked.

"Ya'know Kensi," Nate chimed in, "you could use this hair stuff in the real world. Come on – test it on me right now...flip your hair, see if it works. See if it makes_ me _putty in your hands."

"In your dreams," Kensi came back saucily, her shoulder shrugging coyly.

"Every night."

That made everyone laugh again, but Kensi let him know she wasn't really amused.

"That was awful Nate!" she cried.

"I know, but you laughed so I did something right," he pointed out.

Kensi scoffed, arms crossed in saucy defiance. "Something right? Yeah, like I said, in your dreams!"

Nate just grinned at her. The other two agent's were once again shocked into stillness but their countenances held something else now, however, neither the junior agent nor the psychologist noticed it.

G stood up from the table and clapped Sam on the shoulder. "All right then. We'll take care of Skeezy in there while you two...do whatever. Go...talk to Hetty or file a report or something."

"Wow, thanks G," the junior agent muttered.

"You're welcome." With that, G and Sam disappeared into the interrogation room, and Kensi and Nate were left alone. In silence, they stared at each other for a minute, letting the sounds of the revamped interrogation fill the room.

"How's your week been?" Nate asked quietly after a little while as they both watched the computer screen.

"It's been good," Kensi answered. "Calm, collected...ordinary even."

"Well that is wonderful to hear. Who isn't grateful for ordinary after a year like we've had, right?"

"Right."

They lapsed into silence again, surveying the quick crumple of the suspect and noticing G and Sam's triumphant glances into the camera.

"Well, I guess I should call the MP's," Kensi said, moving away to make the call G didn't quite get around too.

"And I guess I should head back to headquarters," Nate said. Gathering his bag and keys, he headed for the door.

"Nate, wait!" Kensi called, her hand over the phone. "Can you wait a few minutes then give me a ride back too?"

The question was simple, the task not too hard, but it sent Nate's heart into overdrive. "Of course," he answered, as smoothly as he could manage. "Be glad to."

Kensi smiled at him, but was already talking to a dispatcher on the line, so that was all he got. He patiently waited for her to finish the call, inform G of the MP's ETA and then join him near the door.

"Well, good sir," she chirped, "I'm ready when you are."

Nate couldn't help but hear a double meaning in that statement. Ready for what? Ready to go back to headquarters with him or ready to fall into his arms? Quite frankly, Nate felt fine with either but preferred the latter.

"I've been ready for quite some time," he answered simply, but with a loaded tone. Kensi looked up at him in surprise and held his gaze for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, with a blush, she moved toward Nate's car.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," she whispered as he opened the passenger door for her. She didn't look up into his face, but Nate thought she might be referring to his double answer. Slowly and carefully, he reached up and brushed is fingers down her hair, tucking a few strands behind her ear.

"I don't mind," he answered simply, though he longed to tell her that the feel of her hair in his hands did indeed turn him to mush.

).).).).)

_A little while later..._

Sam closed the door on the MP's vehicle and pounded on the top of the roof, indicating that the driver was good to take off. As the MP's drove away, he climbed into his own car, finding a very thoughtful G Callen.

"So did you notice..." Sam began before G finished his thought for him.

"Kensi? Yeah, I did. Was that – "

"Flirting? Yeah, I think it was," Sam said a little awed.

"I haven't seen Kensi flirt with anybody since...well I think since Macy was killed at least. Maybe even before that."

"Me neither," Sam said. "And it was a good flirt too. At first I thought Nate would never pull it off – but wham-oh! He hit the ball out of the park." He chuckled and started the car. "Do you think it would ever work? Between Nate and Kensi I mean."

Callen looked thoughtful for a moment. "If anybody can make it work with her – it would almost have to be our psychologist."

"Good point," Sam agreed. "Do you think Hetty knows?"

"She probably knew before they did. If they do know, I suppose...which they might not yet. Kensi's pretty stubborn and Nate might be in denial. I could see him being the type to be in denial." G tapered off for a moment, then continued with a shudder. "Geez Sam, we need girlfriends. I think this conversation proved we're a little too wrapped up in this drama."

"If we're not careful, we're gonna turn into the NCIS's own, personal Yenta's," Sam replied melodramatically as he pulled his car out of the marina with a mock shiver.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Sorry everybody – I had no computer! I tried using my phone to update this, but it was just too hard. I've got another chapter coming very quickly. Once again, just go with the psycho-babble and I don't own any of these characters.**

Sitting in the car on the way back to headquarters Nate and Kensi filled the silence with light, easy talk. Traffic was horrendous, but neither of them minded in the slightest. At one point, Kensi's stomach growled audibly and she rolled her eyes.

"Sorry," she said.

"Don't be sorry," Nate replied. "I'm actually really hungry too, do you want to stop for something?"

"Sure," Kensi accepted his invitation carefully. With little provocation, someone could misconstrue this as a date...No. No, that was silly. She stopped for lunch with Sam or G all the time.

But Sam and G didn't make her heart flutter annoyingly.

Nate got off the main drag and turned into a quieter section of town. "How does a hamburger sound?" he asked.

"Very good, great idea," Kensi affirmed, grateful he chose such a low-key place. Hamburgers weren't date-like at all. Hamburgers were for colleagues and friends. Strange how the disappointment lingered anyway at the thought of Nate being just a colleague and/or friend.

The disappointment didn't last long. After he parked at the restaurant, Nate hopped out of the car, jogged around and opened Kensi's door for her.

"Thanks," she murmured as she rose from the seat. Then, he opened the restaurant door for her, and when the hostess seated them at vintage metal tables and chairs, Nate held her chair for her before he sat across from her.

"What?" he asked, looking concernedly at her.

Kensi looked up, unsure of the reason he'd asked her a question. "I'm sorry?"

"You're smiling," Nate said. "What are you smiling about? 

Kensi realized she _was _grinning – from ear to ear – and she blushed that Nate would notice.

"I don't know," she replied. "Can't a girl just smile in peace – not have anyone question her?"

Nate chuckled. "You're right," he acquiesced. "I'm afraid I always ask too many questions. Hazard of the job you understand. You may smile as much as you like and I won't second guess it."

"Thank you."

Conversation turned to other things, and as they had in times past, they talked easily of nothing and everything. When the waitress came – a short, plump woman in a smart little uniform – Nate asked Kensi what she wanted, then ordered for them both.

"What?" Nate asked again when the waitress was gone, this time a little exasperated.

"What do you mean: 'What'?" Kensi asked in return. "I didn't say anything."

"You're smiling again – and it's not just a normal smile, it's like a secret or something."

In a moment of clarity, Kensi realized what had made her smile. "Well, I can't help it," she defended. "You open doors and you pull out chairs and you order at restaurants and you dance and you listen. You're...different from other...well, you're just different. And it makes me smile."

"Oh," Nate said softly, then he lapsed into thoughtful silence. They sat that way for a few minutes until Kensi was afraid she couldn't take it anymore.

"Did I offend you?" she asked, leaning across the table and putting her hand on Nate's arm. "I'm sorry if I did."

Looking at her hand in fascination, Nate reached up and covered it with his own. "No, you didn't," he replied, rubbing her fingers gently. The waitress appeared with their food and Nate seemed to realize what he was doing, so he leaned back, away from Kensi's touch.

"Can I get you anything else?" the waitress asked.

"No I think we're good," Kensi said.

They ate their meals, commenting on the food but not much else. After she'd eaten all she could of her lunch, Kensi studied Nate surreptitiously as he finished off his hamburger. She watched his lean fingers pick up a few french fries and murder them in ketchup before sticking them in his mouth. She watched as he swiped his napkin across his lips before taking a drink of his soda.

"You're staring, Kensi," he said, without looking up from his plate.

"I am not," Kensi huffed.

"No?"

"I'm studying," she corrected.

Now Nate put his hamburger down and met her gaze. "What are you studying for? Some exam I should know about?"

"Yes, the exam called life," she quipped smartly.

"Why are you studying _me_?" Nate asked wiping his fingers on his napkin and leaning back in his chair again. "Is it because I'm a 'different' type of specimen?"

Kensi rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant by different Nate," she scolded.

"Then what did you mean by it?"

"See, I did offend you!" she cried. "Why didn't you say something before?"

"I'm not offended, I promise," Nate laughed at her indignation. "_I_ know I'm different from other guys – that's what you meant, right? – but I want to know why _you _think I'm different."

Kensi was stunned by his honesty. "I don't know," she deflected. "You're just different. But it's not a bad thing," she hastened to assure him. "It's definitely a good thing. I like you just the way you are."

Nate rolled his eyes at her avoidance, but decided to let her be. "Thank you Kensi Blye. I like you just the way you are too – right now. The way you are right now. The unhappy Kensi I'm not so good with. But presently, you seem light and happy and at peace. I like that."

More honesty from the psychologist – but this brought warmth to her heart. "You've got a silver tongue, Mr. Getz," she said. "You always have a nice thing to say. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

The waitress came over and offered Kensi a box – which she refused – and asked if she needed to split the check. Before Kensi said anything, Nate handed some bills to the woman, thanked her and instructed her to keep the change.

"Nate, you didn't have to pay for me," Kensi protested. "I could have covered it myself."

The psychologist just shrugged, smiled, and motioned for Kensi to walk ahead of him out of the restaurant, which she did in a bit of a huff. Once they were back in the car, she brought it up again.

"Seriously Nate, you're not one of those guys who insists on paying every where he goes, are you? Because that will absolutely piss me off."

Nate turned his car into traffic and headed back to the office. "That _will_ piss you off?" he asked with a smile. "As in – you would go with me other places in the future where I might tick you off again?"

Kensi blushed and stammered to think of some reply. "I, uh...well, what I meant was...well, yeah, we'll probably – at some point – be together again somewhere that requires money, right?"

"Yeah, the odds are in favor of that," Nate chuckled. "But really, I don't pay for everyone everywhere I go. I just wanted to buy you lunch today...is that such an upsetting thing?"

"No," Kensi answered quietly.

"Okay then," Nate replied. "We went to lunch and I paid. Nothing weird going on here."

"No, nothing weird," Kensi affirmed, remembering her thoughts about their meal feeling date-like.

"Well...I guess I take that back," Nate hedged. "Almost nothing weird was going on."

"What do you mean?" Kensi asked warily.

"Actually, I'm not going to say," the psychologist said decidedly. "I don't want to jinx anything."

"No, Nate!" Kensi cried. "You can't do that! You can't tell me there's something weird and then not finish the thought! That's breaking the rules."

"Rules, schmules," Nate quipped. "I don't follow any such rule."

"Just tell me," the agent demanded.

"Hmmmmm, no."

"Nate...I have a gun."

"Um, still no," Nate said. "Kensi, I don't want to tell you. I'm sorry I brought it up."

Slamming back into her seat in a very petulant display of temper, Kensi folded her arms. "Fine," she huffed.

Nate just laughed. He was going to say that this was – unofficially – his second date with Kensi. For a woman notorious at botching second dates, Nate felt a hint of pride that theirs had gone very well. He tried not to think about the fact that she might not agree that lunch wasn't a 'date'. Heaving a sigh, and catching a puzzled glare from Kensi, Nate focused his attention on his driving.

).).).).)

"And where have you been?" Hetty asked Kensi once the agent got back to the office. Nate had dropped her at the door before parking behind the building, so she got to run this particular gauntlet alone.

"Oh, we stopped for a bite to eat," Kensi tried to answer nonchalantly.

"And by 'we' you mean you and Nathaniel?"

Kensi blushed. "Yeah," she answered.

Hetty, mercifully, pretended not to notice the blush. "Well, when he gets in here, tell him I've got Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna on a call and we're all going to discuss how to run down the rest of this ridiculous fetish ring. I'm up with Eric when you're ready."

"Thanks Hetty, we'll – I'll be right up," Kensi assured her. A few minutes later, Nate came through the front door, his hands in his pockets and whistling some inane tune. Her heart started pattering when he smiled and stopped next to her.

"Did you miss me?" he asked obnoxiously.

"Excuse me?"

"Is that you're waiting here by the door?" Nate quipped. "Couldn't stand to be away for too long?"

Kensi slugged the psychologist. "In your...er, you wish," she amended. Nate just grinned broader. "Actually Hetty needs us to create an op to take down the fetish ring. She's got G and Sam on the phone right now."

"Oh, that's almost as good of a reason for you to wait for me," he said as they fell into step headed up to Eric's lab.

Once everyone got together, the team began to brainstorm ways to get an op up and running.

"I think we should send Kensi in," G said after a few minutes of discussion. "We all saw first hand the impact she had on our guy at the boat house. Let's get some of the triggers for these guys and send her over to the base tricked out just how they like it, draw them out, and bust these morons."

"I think that's a good idea," Hetty said. "Mr. Getz, as our occupational psychologist, what do you think?"

Inwardly, Nate was fuming at Callen. Why in the world would he think of sending Kensi into that sick situation? He looked from Hetty to Eric – both of whom watched him expectantly. He turned to Kensi, but she wasn't looking at him. A mask of neutrality covered her face and it caused Nate to remember that he had a job to do – and so did she.

"I think it's a solid plan. I'd like to run Kensi through some quick training exercises before we send her out though," he said calmly, professionally.

Everyone looked at Nate in surprise – including Kensi.

"What?" he asked them, feigning ignorance over their shock. He knew they were expecting him to freak out about G wanting to send Kensi out on this op, luckily he'd remembered just in time that she was a perfectly capable and talented operative. And, he'd remembered that he couldn't coddle her. It was fair to her or the team – or those women Kensi would go undercover to help.

G cleared his throat and brought every back to the situation at hand. "Let's get Kensi ready and send her over to the base by the time the officer's club fills up – say...1900 hours?"

"That sounds fine, Mr. Callen, we'll get to work here," Hetty replied and indicated that Nate should cut the call. "Well, Ms. Blye, let's hop to it."

).).).).)

Hetty worked on Kensi's wardrobe – making her try on outfit after endless outfit – while Eric, G and Sam dug up details on some of the fetishes. Finally, Kensi emerged from Hetty's clutches dressed and coifed and made up, and she headed to Nate's office.

"Knock knock," she said, standing in the open doorway. Nate looked up and caught an audible breath. With a short floral skirt and white sequined tank top that showed off her tan and toned arms, the junior agent looked amazing.

"Geez Kensi," Nate breathed as he motioned for her to come into his office, "you look amazing."

"Thanks Nate," she replied, blushing prettily. "It's gonna be a shame to waste it on the creeps down at the officer's club, right?"

"Yeah, you're right," Nate said. "Well, I'm glad I got to see you before they did. It's like being the first person to see a beautiful snow fall on a field – before someone walks through it and ruins the view."

Kensi laughed at his analogy as she took a seat across from him. "So I'm a field?" she asked.

"No – you're the snow," he corrected cheekily.

They smiled at each other for a moment, saying things with their eyes their lips and hearts weren't ready to say out loud. Finally, Nate cleared his throat.

"Okay, well, I'd better get you this information so you can get started on this op." Kensi just nodded. "Now, some of what I'm gonna tell you is going to seem impertinent – and I apologize if it is – but I gotta tell it to you anyway."

"It's okay Nate, I'm perfectly able to deal with this situation like a grown-up."

"Yes...well, it's still gonna make me a little squeamish," Nate indicated.

"Nate," Kensi chided. "Take a dose of your own medicine and just spit it out!"

The psychologist rolled his eyes. "You're right. Okay, we are going to talk about the psychological ramifications of dealing with sexual deviants."

"These guys aren't exactly deviants, they're just...odd," Kensi pointed out.

"Technically, you're right, but clinically, and especially if I'm going to send you in to be oogled, we don't classify these men as 'normal'," Nate conceded. Kensi just shrugged and leaned back in her chair, ready to hear all that Nate couldn't seem to say.

They talked for about 20 minutes about some of the consequences field agents face when going on ops dealing with sexual crimes. Putting himself into work-mode, Nate gave Kensi some techniques to dealing with potentially explosive situation. She took it all in, processing his advice and trying not to be distracted by the way his eyebrow crooked up when he stopped to think something through. It was almost unbearably adorable to watch.

"Hello?"

Kensi jumped and realized her mind had wandered. "What?" she asked.

"Did you hear what I said?" the psychologist asked.

"Yes."

"Then what did I say?"

Kensi scoffed. "What is this? High school? I don't need to repeat what you said, Nate, I'll be fine."

"I know you'll be fine, but humor me."

"Ugh, fine," she sighed. "You said that if I get into a situation where we don't have the information we need, and a mark is making uncomfortable but not criminal contact with me and I need to keep drawing him out, it's best not to imagine I'm with someone else."

"And why..."

Kensi rolled her eyes and cleared her throat. "Because I'm going to need to come back from this experience and know the difference between making love and being assaulted. And if I've tried to mask the trauma of the second by imagining the first, I'll only do further emotion damage."

Surprised, Nate stood up. "You're exactly right," he said. "Sorry I doubted you."

Kensi grinned and unfolded herself from her chair, her long legs glistening in the lamp light from Nate's desk. "No worries," she said. "I know you're just trying to make sure I come out of this unscathed. And I thank you for your efforts."

"You're welcome," Nate replied. "Now go and take some luck along the way."

Kensi turned and left the office, and the psychologist unabashedly admired her retreat.

"You're staring," the agent said over her shoulder.

"I'm studying!" Nate called back, chuckling to himself.

).).).).)


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Just got back from vacation...I am sun burnt to a crisp! It even hurts to type...oy. And, I also discovered that chapter 13 didn't make it up somehow...don't know what happened, so really you're getting two chaps at once. Yeehoo! Anyway, this chapter contains some more adult themes. I'm not rating it M, because most of this is implied, but I wanted to warn ya'll just to be safe.**

**All mistakes are mine – none of the characters are though. Isn't a bummer?**

"We've got him, Kensi, you can go back to the car," Sam said. Kensi turned and bolted from the scene. The moment she rounded the corner, away from the other agents, she fell against the side of the building. For a second, she felt like throwing up – but nothing came. She just shook, uncontrollably, and sucked in deep breaths to calm herself.

"Everything went fine, everything went fine," she chanted, hugging herself. "You did your job."

Images assaulted her – handsome officers crowding around her as she flaunted their fetishes as a lure. The handsomeness gave way to perversion, and by the time Kensi had been at the club for 3 short hours, she managed to attract 3 of the suspects; and after luring them into a private room, she made quick work of tricking them into admitting they'd been a part of the ring NCIS was bringing down. But each confession came at a price: one man had asked to rub her hair all over himself, one man had asked to suck her toes and the last guy had started caressing her bare legs even before she'd brought him out of the din of the club. He'd gotten really bold, really fast – his fingers finding their way up her skirt, brushing against smooth skin – before Kensi was able to get anything out of him.

The junior agent itched at her legs and thighs – aching to get home and take a shower to rinse of the smell of pervert from her body. Straightening her clothes, Kensi went to her car and climbed inside to wait for G and Sam. Leaning back against the headrest, Kensi recalled other ops she'd participated in where she'd been required to proverbially 'get it on'. They weren't very often. Oh, she'd had to flirt – outrageously at times – and she'd used her curves more than once to manipulate someone (never underestimate the power of cleavage, as Hetty would say), and she'd made out with Callen a couple of times and Sam too. But she was always in control of those situations – even when everyone teased her mercilessly afterward – and she never even thought about pretending she was with someone else while those things were happening.

But this op was different. Kensi let gratitude flood through her as she recalled Nate's sound advice. He'd told her not to imagine she was with anyone else, but when hair guy had started yanking her 'do out of it's pins and moaning grossly, Kensi had shut her eyes briefly and conjured up more pleasant images to her mind. Her thoughts had run from sitting on a sunny beach to running through her favorite farmer's market. When hair guy added some weird gyrations to his twisted ritual, she had panicked a little and turned her mind toward something protective. Immediately, Kensi had recalled how safe it felt to tuck herself under Nate's arms, what it felt like to sleep with her legs entwined with his, and how the feeling of his hand on her cheek somehow also affected her knees.

With her eyes closed tightly and her breath held against smelling the sickening cologne of the lieutenant currently mauling her, Kensi had begun to imagine what it would feel like to have Nate running his fingers through her hair. The more her thoughts ran wild with the psychologist in them, the more aroused she became. Luckily for her, hair guy jerked her head rather savagely and the jerking motion brought Kensi out of her fantasy. She'd heard Nate's steady voice telling her how to successfully run this operation and she had forced her mind to focus on the task at hand – sans any delicious distractions and despite it's sickening turn.

_I'm going to need to know the difference between assault and making love,_ she had reminded herself then savagely pushed any thoughts aside of who she could make love to to help her know the difference.

Kensi heard Sam and G coming toward her car, and she shook herself from her reveries.

"Kensi, how are you doing?" Sam asked, crouching down next to her open door.

"Fine, just fine," she affirmed.

"Well, you did great," G told her. "We got everybody – names, locations, everything. We'll send the MP's over to pick up he rest of the guys."

"I'm glad," Kensi said.

Both the male agents looked uncomfortably at each other for a moment before G cleared his throat and leaned his arms on her open door. "I'd like you talk to Nate when you get back to headquarters," the lead agent said. At the mention of his name, Kensi's heart fluttered anew. Or perhaps it hadn't stopped at all.

"All right," she said, as nonchalantly as possible.

Callen's eyebrows shot up. "_All right?_" he asked. "You're not going to fight me on this?"

Kensi grinned wryly. "No, I'm not. Nate gave me some pre-op training for this situation, and I should probably tell him how it went." It was the perfect excuse.

"Great," G said. "Well, that was easy. So, we'll see you back at headquarters."

Sam stood up. "Drive safe," he said closing Kensi's door and slapping the roof of her car.

).).).).)

Kensi walked into headquarters – it was fairly late and most people had already gone home. Slipping off her shoes, she meandered down the open corridor, thinking about who she was about to see, and hoping he would just as anxious to see her as she was him. Hetty appeared out of nowhere, startling the agent.

"Well done, Miss Blye," Hetty congratulated her.

"Thank you Hetty."

"How are you doing?"

"Fine, thanks."

"Good to hear." Hetty rubbed her hands together for a moment. "Before you leave tonight, I'd like you to – "

"To talk to Nate?" Kensi interrupted her boss with a small smile. "I was headed there now."

"Perfect," Hetty said. "I made sure he didn't leave. Not that he would have, I'm guessing," she said pointedly.

Kensi pretended not to know what she meant and bid her boss a good night. As she continued down the hallway, she hummed a soft tune. Approaching Nate's office, she noticed a dim light coming from the lamp on his desk.

"Knock knock," Kensi said from the doorway. Nate looked up from his computer and a smile spread across his face. Seeing it made Kensi's stomach clench. Licking her lips she made an attempt to keep her thoughts professional.

"Welcome back," he said. Kensi let herself into his office and plopped down on the couch. Her skirt – already a little short – rode up just a little and she tugged at it irritatedly.

"If you want to change before we talk, you're more than welcome too," Nate said, moving over to sit next to Kensi on the couch.

"I don't need to change, I just needed to not flop down like I'm wearing jeans."

"Well, I'll wait if you want to get into those jeans," Nate offered again.

Kensi scoffed. "How did you know I would come tonight anyway? I hardly ever come talk to you after an op."

Nate watched the agent out of the corner of his eye. "I willed you here," he said lightly.

Kensi stared at him side long, her heart pounding at the intimacy his words implied, even if his tone did not.

"I'm glad you did," she whispered. "Although since G ordered me here, I think you should put away any notion that you have super powers," she quipped.

The psychologist chuckled. "I'll leave the super hero antics to you."

"Good idea."

Leaning back against the couch and turning to face his friend, Nate clasped his arms behind his head. "So...I'm not going to ask you how you're doing," he said.

Kensi laughed. "Thanks," she said, briefly touching his knee. "Everyone has asked me already."

"I figured," the psychologist said. "Hetty and Eric were pretty worried while we watched the op go down."

"You weren't worried?" Kensi asked coyly, smiling as she ducked her chin to her shoulder, and looking at Nate through flirty eyelashes.

_Holy shit_, Nate thought to himself as his heart went into overdrive. Out loud, he struggled to maintain a calm voice.

"Yes I was worried," he admitted. "You didn't exactly encounter a slew of ministers at the club. I worried that maybe I'd not prepared you well enough...or maybe that I hadn't explained things..."

"Oh stop Nate," Kensi said. "You prepared me just fine. I came through this just fine. You were right – I did need to remember to keep a clear head, to admit the reality of the situation and not supplant it with...fantasy."

The psychologist nodded thoughtfully. "I'm glad I was able to help you – I knew you could do this," he confessed. "But I will admit it made me sick sending you in there. Even more sick watching those guys grope you."

"It made me pretty sick, too," Kensi admitted. It occurred to her that their 'talk' had started, but it didn't feel like the enigma she dreaded of old. Tilting her head, the agent looked at her psychologist as he did some more psycho-analysis regarding her operation. She studied his gesturing hands and serious brow and she decided he was far more desirous in person than in her thoughts. Eventually she brought herself back to what Nate was saying.

"...so consider this an open invitation," Nate finished with a supportive smile. Kensi started, feeling her stomach clench – a_n open invitation to what?_

"Sorry, Nate, my mind...wandered," she admitted sheepishly. "What were you saying?"

Nate laughed. "No worries," he said, scooting to the edge of the couch and reaching over to squeeze her shoulder. "You've had a long day and don't need to hear my play-by-play." He stood up and held out his hand to help Kensi stand also. "I just wanted to let you know that even though you seem to have weathered this op just fine, assault can be a tricky beast, and I will more than willingly give you whatever help you need to deal with any issues that might crop up."

Kensi's breathing turned shallow and she her hands went clammy. With her hormones raging, she couldn't help but hear the double meaning in everything the psychologist said. _She could think of puh-lenty of ways he could help alleviate some things right now..._It took everything she had in her not to jump the couch and into Nate's arms. She met his gaze – which never wavered from hers – and read things there she wasn't sure she could identify. It made her heart want to burst.

"Thank you Nate," she gasped breathlessly as she placed her hand in his and he pulled her from the couch. He didn't release her hand, but pulled it to his lips.

"You're welcome," he whispered. He let go of her hand, which fell like a stone back to her side. He ran his fingers slowly up and down her arm, sending a noticeable shiver up Kensi's back. "Do you want me to walk you out to your car?"

Mesmerized by his touch, Kensi could do nothing but shake her head. She didn't want to go to her car, but she didn't want to be too awkward and hang around for no apparent reason. She only knew one thing she wanted to do, and so she reached up and let her fingers flit along the breast pocket of his shirt, feeling the muscle beneath, and then over to the buttons, hardly noticeable in the dim light.

Not a word passed between Nate and Kensi, they just stood close, touching each other gently and searching the silence for something they both wanted. After a few moments, Kensi couldn't take the tension anymore.

"Damn it Nate! Will you just kiss me already?" she whispered, her whole body trembling in anticipation.

Nate smiled a little sadly but reveled in the feel of her body close to his. Slowly, he drew a finger along her eyebrow and down her cheek and then let his forehead fall against hers with a groan. "I want to – you must know I do – but once I've kissed your lips I can't take it back, Kens, and I'm not sure it's the right – "

He was stopped from over-analyzing the situation by Kensi's lips pressed hard against his. She pulled away from him, breathing heavily.

"Stop thinking like a psychologist," she hissed, glaring at him and slapping at his chest. "Come after me recklessly, will you?"

Nate put some distance between them, a little surprised at Kensi's venom. "I'm not really what you'd consider reckless, Kens," he pointed out.

Taking a deep breath, Kensi considered the tall man before her. With the soft lamplight the only thing illuminating the room, he was all silhouettes and shadows, handsome and lean. Her frustration melted away. They were at a cross roads, and a very intimidating one at that. Kensi realized that Nate needed a little help jumping off this cliff...and this was one issue where she would gladly give _him_ assistance. This was her chance to give something back.

"Nate," she finally said, "You've given me so much these past few weeks. Truly you saved my soul alive. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't been so cautious and careful with me – you always know exactly what I need, though I don't know how you do it."

"So I'm a stodgy, comfortable, fuddy duddy?" Nate clarified, wincing.

"Let me finish!" Kensi remanded. "I'm trying to tell you that I know there are other sides to you than just a psychologist – being clinical and planned and careful. And while I may be at odds most of the time with the psychologist side, I admit that I absolutely needed that aspect of you this past little while." Kensi stepped up to Nate again, but didn't touch him. She stood very close and very still and let her eyes travel over him – his chest, his shoulders, his face. Finally, she reached up and grabbed one of his lapels. "But now?" she asked in a husky whisper, her mouth near his neck. "Now I need something else from you..." she tapered off .

Nate let out a breath he'd been unwittingly holding in and leaned down to brush his lips along her jaw and up to her ear. "That's a lot of need Kensi," he said with a touch of sarcasm as he backed her against the wall behind the door of his office and put his hands on either side of her. "Since when did you get so needy?"

Her hand tightened on his jacket and her breath hitched when his lips contacted her sensitive ear. "I'm not needy," she denied breathlessly.

Nate's wandering lips found Kensi's and he kissed her deeply, pulling her in and molding her to him. His tongue ran lightly against her bottom lip, teasing her until she opened her lips to him. If it was possible, they deepened the kiss and pressed against each other even harder than before.

Finally, they came up for air, and Kensi clung to Nate like her legs would give away.

"Hallelujah," she gasped. "I've wanted that from you all night!"

Nate chuckled and stroked his hands up and down Kensi's back, pulling her into him with each pass. "When have you had time to think about...oh."

Now Kensi giggled. "I told you I got momentarily distracted," she admitted wryly.

"I don't know whether to be flattered or freaked out," Nate said, his brows cinched together. "Considering just what you were doing tonight..."

Kensi reached up and hungrily kissed the psychologist again. "I would go with flattered," she said against his lips.

Groaning, Nate dragged Kensi to his couch and pushed her down onto it. "Flattered it is," he said before laying down next to her and claiming her mouth again.

).).).).)

**E/N: Okay, so I made a few changes...and if you're reading this you're reading the updated version. Anyway, let me know what you think. I believe the next chap with be the last. I've put just so much into this story, and I need to be done. So do Nate and Kensi I think! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I will be honest and tell you I could have started a whole other story from here...but I cut myself off! There's an epilogue coming, but I just want to thank everyone who stuck with this story and R&R'ed. You've all be so kind and helpful and encouraging. This has been a joy to write and I've learned a lot. Thank you thank you thank you!**

Kensi woke up, her neck stiff and her brain a little foggy. When she started to move, she encountered a hard, unyielding pillow – and the fog lifted. Her "pillow" was a certain psychologist she'd spent the past few hours making out with. She figured that once they stopped kissing to talk about _things_ she must have fallen asleep.

Giggling, she burrowed down closer to him.

"Did you just giggle?" Nate asked groggily. He tightened his arm around her and buried his face in her hair.

"I couldn't help it," Kensi confessed. "We just made out like high school students on your couch. It's...it's..."

"Amazing? Totally hot? Sexy as hell?" Nate supplied.

Kensi laughed full out this time. "Well...I was going to say 'juvenile' but whatever. Sexy as hell works just fine."

"Good," the psychologist growled. He pulled Kensi's leg up over his hip and kissed her with vigor. Things started to get heated up again but Kensi pulled away.

"What time is it?" she asked, breathing heavily.

Nate groaned but turned on the lamp near his head and looked at his watch. "It's 1:30am," he said, reaching for the lamp again. Kensi stopped his hand from turning it off again.

"I should go," she said, beginning to untangle herself from the man laying languidly on the couch next to her. "I probably need a few hours of decent sleep – and I'm telling you right now a couch doesn't do it for me."

Though he protested as Kensi unwrapped herself, Nate knew the wisdom of her actions. If they stayed on the couch much longer, they'd do more than make out, and this wasn't exactly the setting he would choose in which to take that next step with Kensi.

Kensi stood up and readjusted her clothing. As she pulled down her skirt to semi-decent lengths, she caught Nate staring wistfully at her.

"Good heavens woman," he said with a touch of regret. "Just how long are those legs of yours?"

She blushed and pulled the skirt down a bit more. "I should have worn jeans," she said.

"I'm soooo glad you didn't."

Kensi took a swipe at him, rather halfheartedly. "I'll see you later," she said, rolling her eyes. She turned on her bare heel and strode toward the door.

"Kensi! Wait!" Nate leaped up from the couch and crossed to the agent in two strides, catching her arm gently and spinning her back toward him.

"Yeah?"

Nate took a moment to memorize her every feature as he cupped her face in his hands. "_Will_ I see you later?"

Kensi quirked up her eyebrow. "Uh, yah," she intoned. "I already said that."

"No, I meant will we be like _this_ again? Will I get to hold you and kiss you? Or is this just...y'know, just..."

Leaning forward and pressing a sweet kiss to Nate's lips, Kensi answered his questions. "I don't think this is just '_just, y'know_'," she said. "But maybe you'll have to stick it out a little while and find out if it is." Brushing her lips once more against his, she turned and walked away.

"At the very least," she said over her shoulder, "we're going dancing. You promised, remember?"

Nate grinned. "You're right I did," he murmured, relief pouring through him. Things might be up in the air, but at least they had that.

).).).).)

The next morning Nate dragged himself into the office about 45 minutes later than normal. Everyone he passed ribbed him mercilessly, but he just didn't care. He was exhausted and exhilarated – nothing could be said to bring him down.

"Hey Nate," G bellowed from the bullpen. "Have you seen or heard from Kensi this morning?"

Not wanting to appear too eager, Nate forced himself to walk coolly over to the agent's desk. "Nary a peep," he replied.

Sam's frowned and his concerned expression caused alarms to go off in Nate's mind. "I wonder what's up," Sam said. "She's not answering her phone and she's not answering any pages."

"Do you know if Hetty sent her on any op, or anything?" Callen asked the psychologist.

Nate racked his brains and tried to get his heart beating back at a normal pace. This, actually, might be just the thing that could bring him down. Panic welled up in his throat, but he kept it at bay. It wasn't like Kensi to not answer her phone or her pages. Memories of Dom's disappearance flooded his mind.

"Hetty didn't say anything to me," he said forcing his voice to remain level. "But that doesn't mean it didn't happen."

Eric appeared at the top of the stairs. "There are no current ops she could even conceivably be running," he hollered down to the team.

G sighed, obviously frustrated. "I'm gonna go call Hetty," he said, hauling out of his chair.

"Maybe we should swing by her apartment," Sam suggested.

Nate nodded, trying to appear calm. "If Callen doesn't hear anything from Hetty then I agree it's a good idea."

They waited tensely until G reappeared in the bullpen. "Hetty hasn't talked to her since last night when she returned from the op," he said, anxiety straining his voice and posture. "She said she sent her in to talk to you, Nate. Did she make in to see you?"

"Yeah," Nate said. "We parted ways a few hours later. She said she was going home."

"Shit," Sam muttered, rubbing his hands over his face. "I just can't do this again."

On one accord, everyone moved to the stairs – ready to start tracking the junior agent down. Before they reached Eric's lab, Nate's phone rang. Without looking at it – he knew who it was.

"Kensi, holy shit where are you?" he said into the phone.

"Hello?" an unfamiliar male voice asked. "This number was the last one called by the phone of a Kensi Blye? Who's this please?"

"Nate Getz, I'm Kensi's co-worker. Who's this?"

"I'm Dr. Alan Franks at California Medical Center. Miss Blye was admitted to our ER after an automobile accident this morning."

"What?" Nate shouted. "What happened?"

"Someone ran a red light at the corner of Franklin and Cole. She was turning right and got side-swiped. The driver drove off – fairly standard hit-and-run."

Nate covered the phone and relayed the information to G and Sam. One ran up to Eric and one ran to the bull pen. Nate went back to the doctor on the phone.

"It's not standard, doctor, not when it's someone you know," Nate said, not unkindly. "How about her injuries?"

"She has a slight concussion. Nothing to be overly worried about, but we'll probably keep her through the day just to be sure she's doing all right. She also sustained some bruises from her seat belt and we suspect she bruised some ribs but we're still waiting on the x-rays to ensure it's nothing more serious."

Nate groaned. "Let her know I'm coming will you? I'll leave right away and be no more than 30 minutes."

"She's coming out of sedation right now, so she probably won't even hear what I'm telling her," the doctor said.

"Sedation?" Nate cried. "I'll be there in 20."

Hanging up the call, Nate sprinted down the stairs. "I'm going to the hospital – California Medical Center," he yelled at G who was on the phone at his desk.

Callen, who was scribbling stuff down on a sheet of paper, talking to his boss and doing something on the computer all at the same time, did no more than nod at the psychologist and give him some nondescript hand signal.

Nate flew to his car and squealed the tires as he pulled onto the road. The minutes passed long and tedious as he fought traffic to the hospital. Once he arrived, he parked haphazardly and raced through the emergency room doors.

"I need Kensi Blye's room," he barked at the attendant at the front desk. Keys clicked eternally and Nate thought his head would explode before the 9 letters in her name were entered into the computer.

"Room 167," he was told before he bolted down the hallway. Nate speed-walked through the hospital like only a tall person can and reached room 167 just before his thoughts went haywire. He skidded to a halt at the door and peered anxiously through the small window.

Sitting on the bed in a hospital gown with a thin, white blanket around her shoulders, Kensi looked confused and a little depressed. Nate knocked softly, squeezed through the door, and then leaned against it as he shut it behind him. The agent looked up with wide eyes. She had a shallow scrape on her forehead and tousled hair that made Nate's heart lurch.

"You came," Kensi sighed – a statement, not a question.

Nate crossed the room in three long strides and wrapped her in an gentle embrace.

"Oh God, I was so worried about you," he whispered into Kensi's hair.

"I'm so sorry," Kensi replied. "My cell phone flew across the car and hit against the window. I don't remember if it was broken or whatever, and then my brain felt foggy and I couldn't come up with anyone's phone numbers for the nurses so they couldn't call while I was out."

Nate pulled back, tenderly stroking his fingers down Kensi's cheek. "It's okay, one of the doctor's got a hold of your phone and called me."

"And the rest of the team?"

"I let them know. They were pretty freaked out. I bet you'll have about 20 missed calls and some frantic voice mails when you finally get your phone back. And I'm pretty sure Sam and Eric have already accessed the traffic cameras when I left headquarters, I think they were tracking down the guy who hit you."

With a sigh, Kensi stepped back from Nate and sat back down on the bed. For a few minutes, Nate stood by her as she gazed around the sterile, unfeeling room.

"Wow," she finally said, "what a downer this whole morning is, huh?"

Nate chuckled and pulled a stool from the corner over to the bed and sat down. "That is an understatement," he said. He leaned over and kissed her – willing her to feel how he cared.

"Well, that was a pretty loaded kiss," Kensi quipped when she pulled away after a few minutes. "Got a lot on your mind Mr. Getz?"

Nate reached up and cupped the agent's face in his hands. "I've only got you on my mind," he said dryly. "And since you fill my every waking thought, and my dreams for that matter, I guess you could say I've got a lot on my mind."

Kensi blushed and leaned into Nate's palm. "My head hurts so badly, I'm having trouble forming coherent thoughts," the agent admitted wryly. She put her hand behind his neck and pulled him close, pressing a kiss to his lips. "So you'll forgive me if I can't quite think of a suitable response to what you just said? Although I'm pretty sure that what I did comprehend was the most wonderful thing anyone's ever said to me. You'll just have to wait until the tribal drums beating a rhythm in my skull calm down before I come up with a good reply, okay?"

Nate put his arms around Kensi's waist and pulled her a little closer to him. "You're right," he said lightly. "I'm laying it on a little thick for a woman who might not remember me when she wakes up."

Kensi swatted at him. "I'll remember you...probably...hopefully."

He kissed her lightly and pulled the blankets down on the bed. "You'd better," he threatened jokingly.

Kensi laid down on her side, keeping Nate's hand in hers as he tucked the blankets around her shoulders. "Well, even if I don't remember you," she replied, "I will remember that you still have to take me dancing."

).).).).)

Callen and Sam stood outside room 167 in the California Medical Center and spied shamelessly.

"Go Nate," Sam whispered as they watched the psychologist kiss their colleague with some gusto.

"Dude, we shouldn't be spying on them," Callen said, even as he angled for a better view.

"We're not spying," Sam replied. "We are here for a perfectly legitimate reason: we want to find out if Kensi wants to go with us to bust the guy that hit her."

"She looks too dazed to go," G commented. "Or maybe too busy. I think we should just take him down ourselves."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, let's just leave 'em be and get out of here before they catch us spying on them."

"Hey, I thought you said – "

"Meh. Tomato, tomahto."

The two agents turned and retraced their way back to Sam's car. Neither one of them said anything, but if either had bothered to notice, each had a small, satisfied smile on his face.


	16. Chapter 16

**Epilogue – about six weeks later on a Sunday...**

Kensi closed her front door and sank down against it. Reaching for her hallway table, she grabbed the vase of roses sitting on top of it and brought it down to sit between her legs on the cold, tile entryway.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve," she counted, touching each flower gently. Twelve roses for her twelfth date with Nate. And she had two additional bouquets in the kitchen. One with ten Gerber daisies for their tenth date at Venice Beach and the other with eleven irises for their dinner-and-a-movie date a couple of days ago. Kensi used to protest that Nate was wasting flowers on her – she wasn't that girlie, she'd said – but he kept bringing them anyway, and she secretly looked forward to their cheerful reminder that she was special and cared for.

Tonight, when Nate had showed up with a dozen roses and the announcement that he was taking her to an old-fashioned country club for some dinner and dancing, the whole thing had been so terribly romantic that Kensi decided she would probably let Nate bankrupt himself on flowers – even if some people thought it an archaic exercise.

A knock sounded on her front door and Kensi picked up the flowers, scrambled to her feet and peered through the peep hole. A smile spread across her face when she recognized the tall, dark form on the other side. Slowly, she opened the door.

"Nate," she couldn't help grinning at him. "Did I leave something in your car?"

The psychologist sighed. He seemed agitated, which made Kensi nervous. "No," he said. "I just need to tell you something."

"Oh, well, okay," the agent said, willing her nerves to go away. "Would you like to come inside?"

"No, no," Nate said. "I've only got courage enough to stand here, thanks though."

Now Kensi really panicked. She clutched the vase in her arms, trying to find solace in the roses' heady fragrance. "Well, what's up?"

Nate took a deep breath and his words came out in a rush. "I've had this thing I've needed to say to you for about a week now and I'll just be honest and tell you that I have totally chickened out every time I tried to open my mouth and tell you. But tonight was so great, and you looked amazing and we're about to start another long week at work and I just new that I couldn't let this day end without saying what I need to say."

"What do you need to say?"

Stepping forward, Nate crushed into Kensi in a fierce embrace, colliding against her lips. With one hand still holding the flowers between them, Kensi brought her other up to Nate's shoulder, steadying herself against his dizzying kiss. For a long moment they stayed like that – lips at once caressing and yet on fire – before Nate lifted his head and looked down at her.

"I love you Kensi Blye," he whispered huskily. "Very much."

All the air left Kensi's lungs. "That's what you wanted to say?" she croaked. Nate simply nodded and stared resolutely into her eyes. If he hadn't still had his arms around her, she would have melted to the floor.

When she didn't say anything, Nate became uncomfortable. Carefully, he released his hold on her and started to back away.

"Look," he said, stammering a bit, "I know I sort of sprung that on you. And it's okay if you need time to process this...it's totally okay. And if you need me to back off a bit while you process, that's okay too, because I know that some people need to – "

Kensi reached up and covered Nate's mouth, cutting off his rambling.

"I don't need to think about it," Kensi said, feeling her legs become strong again and her whole body fill with light. She slowly brought her fingers away from Nate's lips, letting them graze over his bottom lip softly. As she brought her gaze up to meet his, she smiled. "I love you too," she whispered. "Very much."

Relief showed first on the psychologist's face, then joy. He scooped Kensi up and squeezed her tightly.

"Nate!" she squealed. "If you crush this vase between us, we will both be very unhappy – in love but very unhappy. And besides – what would we tell Hetty?"

Nate laughed and loosened his hold. "You could just tell her that we'd gone on another training op and you pissed off some mark that was running game on you and you got us tangled up in knife fight?"

"No more training ops. No more guys running game!" Kensi groaned as she put the roses back on the table next to her door. "I'm all gamed out – I just want you."

"Is that what we're telling Hetty?" Nate asked.

"Puh-lease," Kensi said, pulling Nate into her apartment and shutting the door behind him. "She's Hetty. She already knows."

).).).).)

The End

**A/N: What did you think? I'm going to be a review whore here and tell you all that I would really love it if everyone would fill up my inbox with reviews. I probably won't write another NCIS LA fic for a while as I have some Lie to Me running around in my head... so I'll be having some major review withdrawals. Gah! Reviews are my drug. Love/Kesha? Move over, Fanfiction has a new drug...and we don't need to invite it to our basements for a slumber party!**


End file.
